Jeremiah 29:11

2008-03-16T15:56:00.001-04:00

I moved states . . . and now I have moved blogs.

Continue reading about my journey here . . .

2007-09-25T23:19:00.000-04:00

On the road again--just can't wait to get on the road again.......

PS Dancing with the Stars has started its new season. So far the women rock.

2007-09-07T23:50:00.000-04:00

I love the fall.

anticipation

possibilities

dreams

Thank You

2007-09-06T20:53:00.000-04:00

Thank you Columbus/Franklinton "community" for sharing your lives with me through your blogs. They bless me.

2007-07-12T21:21:00.000-04:00

Hey I just customized my colors and template--maybe I am catching on after all

blogs & time

2007-07-12T21:04:00.000-04:00

This blog is getting to be more work than it is worth. When I tried to post yesterday they told me my email address was not valid. Then they wanted me to create a new password. So here we are trying once again and hoping I will be able to get back to this site in the future.

The weather has cooled down nicely. I don't like hot weather. Next holiday that comes is Labor Day and after that the fall progresses quickly and before you know it the holidays are here. How's that for making six months of your life fly by!

technology

2007-05-15T06:51:00.000-04:00

All I wanted to do was add a post...but no because they decided to upgrade I have to remember what my gmail account is..which I didn't create in the first place..why do they think I created a nice litte icon on my desktop to access my blog??? Isn't this some kind of invasion of my privacy? I had an account and they decided to change things without asking if I wanted to? As a result we may not have dinner tonight as I had to spend the allotted time to prepare our crock pot dinner to update my account!!!

Well to get back to my post:
Had a really nice weekend. Visited with my entire family--not all together which works out better--each group has their own "center" and sometimes they don't blend well. As someone who doesn't particularly enjoy conflict it works out better to visit this way. I got to scooter board for the first time. It was a lot of fun and good exercise. Also got to play basketball and actually got the ball in the hoop. Good food, good company. All this even when situations are not the best in people's lives. I have a saying by my computer--Happiness is NOT having what you want but wanting what you HAVE.

Time to get ready for work.

2007-04-10T06:45:00.000-04:00

We can compete with God’s plan and pursue our own agenda. Or we can converge with God’s plan and join the winning side. The choice is ours. —Joe Stowell

Choose not a path that God can’t bless,
For it will end in sure defeat;
But choose God’s path of victory
And with His plans you won’t compete. —D. De Haan

Vacation is coming up fast. Leave Saturday for Florida. Trying to avoid getting sick--lots of people around me have one thing or another.

Trying a new group Thursday night and my Wednesday night group is finishing up the section we were doing. Need to decide if we will start a new one or end till September or possibly not start up again. Taking a leadership class because of small group I lead and most of what it is talking about is not something I want to do. Decisions, decisions-----

Reason for prayer

2007-02-27T07:08:00.000-05:00

This is from today's reading of OUr Daily Bread--

We prayed. Quietly sometimes. Aloud other times. For more than 17 years we prayed. We prayed for our daughter Melissa’s health and direction, for her salvation, and often for her protection. Just as we prayed for our other children, we asked God to have His hand of care on her.

As Melissa rolled into her teenage years, we prayed even more that He would keep her from harm—that He would keep His eyes on her as she and her friends began to drive. We prayed, "God, please protect Melissa."

So what happened? Didn’t God understand how much it would hurt so many people to lose such a beautiful young woman with so much potential for service to Him and others? Didn’t God see the other car coming on that warm spring night?

We prayed. But Melissa was killed.

Now what? Do we stop praying? Do we give up on God? Do we try to make it alone?

Absolutely not! Prayer is even more vital to us now. God—our inexplicable sovereign Lord—is still in control. His commands to pray still stand. His desire to hear from us is still alive. Faith is not demanding what we want; it is trusting God’s goodness in spite of life’s tragedies.

We grieve. We pray. We keep on praying. —Dave Branon

I question not God’s means or ways,
Or how He uses time or days,
To answer every call or prayer—
I know He will, somehow, somewhere. —Whitney

God may deny our request but will never disappoint our trust.

You are rich when you are satisfied with what you have.

2007-02-23T06:48:00.000-05:00

From our daily bread:

Driving through Ireland to a Bible conference, I saw a fascinating billboard. It was large and white with nothing on it but a woman’s red shoe and the bold caption: "Is Shopping The New Religion?"

The pursuit of possessions continues to be one of the most powerful motivations that people can experience. But can the accumulation of things bring true satisfaction?

In Luke 12:15, Jesus answered that question with a firm and uncompromising "No!" During a discussion on material wealth, He said, "Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses." Life must always be more than just the inventory of the things we own.

King Solomon also attempted to find satisfaction in the pursuit of things. He discovered it to be full of emptiness (Eccl. 2:1-17). If we have placed "the abundance of the things" we possess at the center of our lives, shopping may, in fact, have become a substitute for God—a new religion. But such endeavors will always result in emptiness.

David prayed, "You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing" (Ps. 145:16). Only God is able to bring real satisfaction to our lives. —Bill Crowder

O Lord, help us to be content
With all that we possess,
And may we show our gratitude
With heartfelt thankfulness. —Sper

You are rich when you are satisfied with what you have.

happiness

2007-02-22T07:03:00.000-05:00

At Harvard University, you can take a course in happiness. This popular class helps students discover, as the professor states, "How to get happy."

That’s not a bad idea. In fact, the Bible even suggests on several occasions the importance of being happy or joyful. Solomon tells us that God grants happiness to us as a privilege (Eccl. 3:12; 7:14; 11:9).

Sometimes, though, we take the search for earthly happiness too far. We see it as the most important pursuit, and even believe that our happiness is God’s highest goal for us. That’s when our thinking gets confused.

God’s Word tells us that true happiness comes by keeping God’s law (Ps. 1:1-2; Prov. 16:20; 29:18). God demands holiness and has called us to live a holy life—one that exemplifies His moral character (1 Thess. 4:7; 2 Peter 3:11). In Peter’s first letter we read, "As He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, ‘Be holy, for I am holy’" (1 Peter 1:15-16).

When we face decisions about the way we should act or how we should live, we must keep in mind that God’s command is not "Be happy," but "Be holy." True joy will come from a holy, God-honoring life. —Dave Branon

In all I think and say and do,
I long, O God, to honor You;
But may my highest motive be
To love the Christ who died for me. —D. De Haan

There is no true happiness apart from holiness and no holiness apart from Christ.

Jeremiah vs the Christmas tree

2006-12-27T22:26:00.000-05:00

The year we had no tree, Mother planted within me a seed of discontent with all cultural displays of religion.
Eugene H. Peterson | posted 12/20/2006 08:08AM

This article originally appeared in the December 11, 1987 issue of Christianity Today.

Related articles and links

Two years ago at Christmas I was living in Montana in the Rocky Mountains where I grew up. The National Forest Service there allows people to cut their own Christmas tree. So Jan, my wife, and I went out one day with an axe into the snow-filled forest to get ours. We spotted what looked like the right tree-it was 200 yards up a hillside, and we had to tramp through snow to get to it. In that forest and on that hillside it was a spectacularly beautiful tree. But after we got it back to our home on the lake and set it up in our wood-fired and carpeted living room, we realized that a considerable amount of its charm had been lost in transit.

It was an Engleman spruce, a tree with character, having lived a hard life on the mountain, and we had hiked through 16 inches of snow to get it. It still looked handsome enough to me, but when our three children, all adults now, arrived to celebrate the holiday with us, they took one look and mocked. They were used to coifed Scotch pines, bought from the Lions Club in the Safeway parking lot in Maryland. If those were too picked over, we patronized the Boy Scouts selling from the Methodist parking lot. Buying a tree was a family affair, with arguments about size and thickness and symmetry. This was our first tree chosen without benefit of children.

In Montana, with an entire forest of trees to pick from, they thought we could have done better. We reminisced about the Christmas trees we had bought and set up and decorated. The more we talked, the more scrawny this Engleman spruce appeared. But finally we all agreed it was a tree, after all, and the moment it was designated Christmas tree it was suitable.

People worry these days about keeping Christ in Christmas; no one has any anxiety about keeping the tree in Christmas. Nobody I know discusses the pros and cons of the matter; it is simply done. There must be numerous households in America where no prayers are offered at Christmas, no carols sung, and no nativity story told. But there can be few households where there is no Christmas tree. The tree is required. We always had a tree, and always will. It is as much a part of Christmas as the crèche and "Silent Night."

But I do remember a Christmas when there was no tree. I was eight years old. My mother, an intense woman capable of fierce convictions, was reading the prophecy of Jeremiah and came upon words she had never noticed before:

Thus says the Lord:
"Learn not the way of the nations, nor be dismayed at the signs of the heavens
because the nations are dismayed at them, for the customs of the peoples are false.
A tree from the forest is cut down, and worked with an axe by the hands
of a craftsman. Men deck it with silver and gold;
they fasten it with hammer and nails so that it cannot move" (Jer. 10:2- 4)
There was no doubt in her mind that the Holy Spirit, through the prophet Jeremiah, had targeted our American Christmas in his warning satire. Every detail fit our practice.

A couple of weeks before Christmas, on a Sunday afternoon, my father would get the axe and check its edge. He was a butcher, used to working with sharp tools, and he did not tolerate dull edges. When I heard the whetstone applied to the axe, I knew that the time was near. We bundled into our Model A Ford pickup, my parents and baby sister and I.

If it was not too cold, I rode in the open truck bed with our springer spaniel, Brownie, and held the axe. It was a bouncy ride of ten miles to Lake Blaine, where the Swan Range of the Rocky Mountains took its precipitous rise from the valley floor. There had been a major forest fire in this region a few years before, so the trees were young-the right size to fit into our living room. I always got to pick the tree; it was a ritual I stretched out as long as parental patience and winter temperatures would accommodate.

My father then took over, swinging the axe. Four or five brisk cuts, and the green-needled spire was horizontal in the snow: A tree from the forest is cut down.

He then squared the base of the trunk so it would be easy to mount when we got it back home: Worked with an axe by the hands of a craftsman. My father was deft with the axe-the wood chips from the whittling released the fragrance of resin in the winter air.

When we arrived home, I climbed into the attic and handed down the box of decorations. We had multicolored lights on our tree, and lots of tinsel. Across the street, my best friends had all blue lights, and I felt sorry for them, stuck with a monochrome Christmas.

My father took slats from packing boxes that our sausage and lunch meats were shipped in-there was always a pile of these boxes in the alley behind our butcher shop-and cut them into four 18-inch supports and nailed them to the tree trunk: They fasten it with hammer and nails so that it cannot move.

By now it was late afternoon and dark. Our Douglas fir—it was always a Douglas fir for us, no other evergreen was a Christmas tree—was secure and steady before our living room window, facing the street. We strung the lights, hung the silver and gold ornaments, and draped the tinsel: Men deck it with silver and gold.

When we were done, I ran out onto the gravel road (the paving on Fourth Street West fell short by about 400 yards of reaching our house) and looked at it from the outside, the way passers-by would see it, the framed picture of our Christmas ritual adventure into and out of the woods. I imagined strangers looking at it and wishing they could be inside with us, part of the axe/ Model A pickup/Lake Blaine/tree-choosing/tree-cutting/tree-mounting/tree-decorating liturgy that I loved so much.

And I would look across the street at the tree with blue lights where the Mitchell twins, Alva and Alan, lived—so cold and monotonous. They never went to church, and at times like this it showed. I couldn't help feeling privileged and superior, but also a little sorry for them: Christian pride modified by Christian compassion.

And then, in the winter of 1940, when I was eight years old, we didn't have a tree: For the customs of the peoples are false. It wasn't just the tree that was absent, the richly nuanced ritual was abolished. A noun, "tree," was deleted from December, but along with it an adjective, "Christmas." Or so I felt.

And it was all because Jeremiah had preached his Christmas Tree Sermon. Because Jeremiah had looked through his prophetic telescope, his spirit-magnified vision reaching across 12,000 miles and 2,600 years saw in detailed focus what we did every December, and denounced it as idolatry. And it was because my mother cared far more about Scripture than culture.

I was embarrassed—humiliated was more like it—humiliated as only eight-year-olds can be humiliated. Abased. Mortified. I was terrified of what my friends in the neighborhood would think: They would think we were too poor to have a tree. They would think I was being punished for some unspeakable sin and so deprived of a tree. They would think we didn't care about each other and didn't have any fun in our house. They would feel sorry for us. They would feel superior to us.

As a regular feature of the child-world holiday socializing in our neighborhood, we went to each other's houses, looked at the presents under the trees, wondering what we would get. Every house was so different-I marveled at the odd ways people arranged their furniture. I was uneasy with the vaguely repellent odors in houses where the parents smoked and drank beer. At the Zacharys, three houses down, there was a big pot of moose-meat chili simmering on the back of the wood stove for most of the winter—it was easily the best-smelling house among those of my friends.

But that year, I kept everyone out of our house. I was ashamed to have them come in and see the bare, treeless room. I was terrified of the questions they would ask. I made up excuses to keep them out. I lied: "My sister has a contagious disease"; "My mother is really mad and I can't bring anybody in." But the fact of no-Christmas-tree could not be hidden. After all, it was always in our front window.

Alva and Alan, the twins who never went to church, asked the most questions, sensing something wrong, an edge of taunting now in their voices. I made excuses: "My dad is too busy right now; we're planning on going out next week." And on and on.

I was mostly terrified that they would discover the real reason we didn't have a tree: that God had commanded it (at least we thought so at the time)—a religious reason! But religion was the one thing that made us better than our neighbors; and now, if they were to find out our secret, it would make us worse!

My mother read Jeremiah to me and my little sister that year and talked about Jesus. She opened the Bible to the story of the nativity and placed it on the table where the Christmas tree always stood. I never told her how I felt, or what I knew everyone in the neighborhood was saying. I carried my humiliation secretly, as children often do, stoical in the uncomprehending adult world.

It is odd when I think back on it now, but we never went to church on Christmas. Every detail of our lives was permeated with an awareness of God. There was a rigorous determination to let Scripture and Christ shape not only our morals and worship, but also the way we used language and wore our clothes. Going to church was the act that pivoted the week. But there was no church-going on Christmas.

On Christmas Eve we exchanged and opened presents; on Christmas Day we had a dinner at our house with a lot of relatives in attendance, plus any loose people in the neighborhood-bachelors, widows, runaways.

Christmas dinner was full of Norwegian talk. It was the only day in the year I heard Norwegian spoken. My uncles and aunts reminisced over their Norway Christmases, and savored the sounds of their cradle tongue. The Christmas menu was always the same: lutefisk, fish with all the taste and nutrients leached out of it by weeks of baptism in barrels of brine, and lefsa, an unleavened, pliable flat bread with the texture (and taste) of a chamois cloth.

There was a stout but unsuccessful attempt to restore flavor by providing great bowls of melted butter, salt cellars, and much sugar. It was a meal I never learned to like. But I loved the festivities-the stories in Norwegian that I couldn't understand, the laughter, the fun, the banter.

The primary source of the banter was my favorite uncle. He was the best storyteller and always seemed to have the most fun. He also posed as an atheist (I think it was a pose), which provoked my mother, on alternate days, to prayer and indignation. On the Christmas we had no tree, he surpassed himself in banter.

He was the first to remark its absence, and his remark was a roar: "Evelyn [my mother's name], where the hell is the Christmas tree? How the hell are we going to celebrate a Norwegian Christmas without a tree?" (He was also the only person I ever heard use profanity in our home, which set him apart in my child mind on a sort of craggy eminence.) My mother's reply, a nice fusion of prayer and indignation, was a match to his raillery: "Brother, we are not celebrating a Norwegian Christmas this year; we are celebrating a Christian' Christmas." Then she got out Jeremiah and read it to him. He was astonished. He had no idea that anything that tellingly contemporary could come out of an old-fashioned Bible. He was silenced, if only briefly.

The next year we had a Christmas tree. The entire ritual was back in place without explanation.. Our gray and rust Model A was replaced by a red Dodge half-ton, but that was the only change. I never learned what authority preempted Jeremiah in the matter of the Christmas tree. Years later my mother occasionally said, "Eugene, do you remember that silliness about the Christmas tree when you were eight years old?" I didn't want to remember, and we didn't discuss it.

But now I want to remember. And I want to discuss it. It doesn't seem at all silly now. My mother died four years ago, and so I am not going to find out the details that interest me-the turns and twists of pilgrimage during those years when she was so passionate in pursuit of a holy life. She may have been wise in restoring the tree to our Christmas celebrations, but I am quite sure that it was not silliness that banned it that single year.

The feelings I had that Christmas when I was eight years old may have been the most authentically Christmas feelings I have ever had, or will have: the experience of humiliation, of being misunderstood, of being an outsider. Mary was pregnant out of wedlock. Joseph was an apparent cuckold. Jesus was born in poverty. God had commanded a strange word; the people in the story were aware, deeply and awesomely aware, that the event they were living was counter to the culture and issued from the Spirit's power.

They certainly experienced considerable embarrassment and inconvenience—did they also clumsily lie to their friends and make excuses at the same time they persisted in faith? All the joy and celebration and gift-receiving in the gospel nativity story took place in a context of incomprehension and absurdity. Great love was given and received and celebrated, a glorious festivity, but the neighborhood was not in on it, and the taunts and banter must have cut cruelly into their spirits.

So, Mother, thank you. And don't apologize for the silliness. Thank you for providing me with a taste of the humiliation that comes from pursuing a passionate conviction in Christ. Thank you for introducing into my spirit a seed of discontent with all cultural displays of religion, a seed that has since grown tree-sized. Thank you for being relaxed in grace and reckless enough to risk a mistake. Thank you for being scornful of caution and careless of opinion. Thank you for training me in discernments that in adult years have been a shield against the seduction of culture-religion. Thank you for the courage to give me Jesus without tinsel, embarrassing as it was for me (and also for you?).

Thank you for taking away the Christmas tree the winter I was eight years old. And thank you for giving it back the next year.

detachment

2006-12-17T23:26:00.000-05:00

Patience----keep at it until it works!

Great post from a sober.com web site for families in recovery--may give some insight into why I choose to be where I am for now:

One of the most important terms in Alanon is detachment. For me it was the hardest one to grasp, the most elusive to pin down a real understanding of. I had a fuzzy idea of what it was supposed to mean, but when it came right down to it, I didn' t really know what I was supposed to do at all. Detach? Be aloof? That didn' t sound very kind. Detach? Separate? That wasn' t what I wanted. Is detaching giving up on the person? Is detaching not caring?

I looked the word up in the dictionary...some of you know about me and dictionaries...lol Gotta get to the very core of the meaning of a word I don' t understand so I go to my friend Webster!

One of the definitions Webster gives for the word detach is: To separate from a larger mass without violence or damage. In this case, the larger mass being the disease of alcoholism. Hmmm...so I can separate from the disease and still love the person? Yes! Because detachment is all about realizing that the actions of the individual are caused by the disease, and not by the person with the disease! Detachment is about being objective, being able to stop before we react to behaviors and ask, is this the person intentionally trying to hurt me or is the disease creating this? If this person were sober and rational, would he/she be acting like this? The anger, the irrational behaviors are to alcoholism what confusion and thirst are to diabetes, what vomiting and diarrhea are to the flu.

When we are able to realize it is the disease, and not the person, we can truly understand our own powerlessness over it. We can stop trying to bring reasonableness to something that is not reasonable. How can you reason with a disease? Can you reason with diabetes to make it go away? Can you reason with the flu so that the symptoms will disappear? Of course not. By detaching we are loving ourselves enough to go about living DESPITE the fact that our partner is ill. We are saying, I hope you choose to get better and while you make that decision, I' m going to go to an alanon meeting, or shopping, or coffee with a friend or take the kids to the park. We are saying, I love you, but I cannot cure you. We are saying yes to life and no to being chained to someone else' s illness. Alcoholism is a disease that has a course of treatment to put it into remission. If our partners do not choose to get themselves well by taking that course of treatment, we cannot force them to. But we are not loving ourselves if we take it upon ourselves to try to play " nurse" to the disease until they do.

Detaching is not giving up on the person. Detaching is not being uncaring or unfeeling. Detaching is simply separating ourselves emotionally and spiritually, possibly even physically from another person' s actions. The same as you would if the person were sick and needed to cancel a dinner date. You would understand that it was the illness, not the person, causing the cancellation. Detachment is a choice to not allow ourselves to be sucked into another person' s situation. We still care, but we also refuse to get our blood boiling or possibly give up on our own plans over something we have no control over. It is not our fault that the alcoholic doen' t take the medicine that will help him recover. But we don' t help him or her by allowing ourselves to get wrapped up in the drama. By detaching we are giving them the opportunity to think for themselves and make choices for themselves and that is actually very loving. We are doing the same for ourselves at the same time.

I remember once seeing a nature program on a creature - I can' t remember for sure but I think it was a lizard - who when being attacked by something that was attempting to consume it, could detach the back end of it' s body or it' s tail and leave it behind in the mouth of the attacker and head off to safety.

We detach from the alcoholic so that we don' t get consumed by the disease! When we get consumed by the other person' s disease, we are no good to either the alcoholic or to ourselves. Our lives become unmanagable, angry, insane. We are wasting precious energy spinning our wheels in the sand. To detach from another person allows us to accept them exactly as they are, while we work on our own issues and goals. By detaching, we can hate the disease but still love the person and continue to wish the highest good for that person even though we no longer allow ourselves to be manipulated by the symptoms of the disease.

detachment

2006-12-17T23:23:00.000-05:00

I had this great post on detachment but it disappeared.

Will try again tomorrow

2006-11-30T06:47:00.000-05:00

2 Peter 3:10-11
The day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives.

Thoughts on today's verse

Holiness is that forgotten character virtue that is the Christian's reflection of God, his or her holy and righteous Father. In a day of cheap grace, when anything goes just as long as we want to be buddies with Jesus, Peter's words should shock us into reverence - the commitment in life to set our lives apart from the evil and sludge that defiles our hearts and to offer our bodies, hearts, and minds to do his will and reflect his character.
Prayer:

Holy and Righteous Father, teach me to do your will and reflect your character while offering your grace. May the movements of my heart, the thoughts of my mind, and the actions ! of my life be pleasing to you and reflect your holiness and grace. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.'

2006-11-29T06:50:00.000-05:00

Beautifully Stated

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

anonymous

"I Believe"

2006-11-23T11:31:00.000-05:00

Have a seat....relax...and read this slowly.

I Believe

I believe-
That we don't have to change
friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe-
That no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a
while and, you must forgive them for that.

I believe-
That true friendship continues
to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I believe-
That you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I believe-
That it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I believe-
That you should always leave loved ones with
loving words. It may be the last time you see them

I believe-
That you can keep going long after you can't.

I believe-
That we are responsible for
what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe-
That either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I believe-
That regardless of how hot and steamy a
relationship is at first, the passion fades and there
had better be something else to take its place.

I believe-
That heroes are the people who do what
has to be done when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I believe-
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe-
That my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time!

I believe-
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when
you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe-
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to
be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe-
That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want
them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe-
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences
you've had and what you've learned from them and less to
do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe-
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe-
That no matter how bad your heart is
broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe-
That our background and circumstances may have influenced
who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe-
That just because two people argue, it
doesn't mean they don't love each other, And just
because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe-
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe-
That two people can look at the exact
same thing and see something totally different.

I believe-
That your life can be changed in a matter
of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe-
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a
friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I believe-
That credentials on the wall do not make
you a decent human being.

I believe-
That the people you care about most in
life are taken from you too soon.

2006-11-21T18:39:00.000-05:00

Nothing that we despise in the other man is entirely absent from ourselves," wrote Dietrich Bonhoeffer while awaiting execution in a Nazi prison. "We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer."

Related articles and links

I read Bonhoeffer while touring the three tiny Baltic countries of Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania. As I was exploring country roads and cobblestone streets, hostilities broke out between Israel and Hezbollah, giving me much opportunity to practice Bonhoeffer's principle on how to regard people.

Israel. You cannot understand the Israeli mindset unless you visit a scene from the Holocaust: Auschwitz, Dachau, or perhaps the Paneriai forest on the outskirts of Lithuania's capital. There, Nazis converted storage pits designed for oil tanks into open graves. As trains full of Lithuania's Jews arrived daily at the tiny Paneriai station, ss guards marched the Jews to the pits and systematically shot them. The practice continued for two years, and corpse burners reduced the bodies to bones and ashes to make room for more bodies. At least 70,000 Jews perished in the pits.

I visited Paneriai on a cloudless summer day. Located amid a pine forest, its dark green background was interrupted by an occasional white birch tree. Although butterflies flitted among the wildflowers, the forest seemed oddly void of birds, as if nature itself recognized a place of haunting. I walked from pit to pit, each labeled with the exact number of people massacred: 7,898 here, 5,423 there. In a small museum, the recovered diaries of neighbors report matter-of-factly how many trains arrived each day, how many died, how long the shooting lasted. Blood had seeped into the ground I walked on; human ashes had blended with the soil.

One photo imprinted itself on my mind, and to this day I cannot erase it. Bored Nazis had forced five women to strip to their old-fashioned bloomers underwear and pose. They stand at the edge of a burial pit, and the foreground shows the pile of corpses they will join as soon as the guards put down cameras and take up guns. The women seem like ghosts staring, with a look at once haunted and helpless, victims of an evil beyond comprehension.

Every Israeli citizen knows that look. They read about it in schoolbooks, honor the victims in their own museums, and visit the hallowed sites in Europe. When terrorists and the president of Iran vow to wipe Israel off the map, they take the threat seriously. Israelis have a Masada complex because they have a Masada history.

Plastic

2006-11-20T21:43:00.000-05:00

Aronofsky: I buy it. I think we live in a very critical time. Every plastic bottle of drinking water that we've produced is going to be around for 10,000 years, at the minimum.

elections

2006-11-05T07:56:00.000-05:00

Whether we agree with our leaders or not we have an obligation to participate in the privilege we have in this country--voting. If we don't vote then we have lost the opportunity we have in this country to influence who will make decisions that effect us in the future. Is it a perfect system--by no means--but if we don't utilize what our ancestors put in place I don't believe that we should complain about how the system works.

Romans 13:6
This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing. Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

Thoughts on today's verse

Ouch! I hate taxes. But I have to admit, I enjoy many of the privileges and blessings that those taxes afford. Paul keeps reminding us in Romans 13 that civil authorities are God's tools to hold back anarchy, chaos, and lawlessness. As a Christian, I'm immune to most laws because my faith in Jesus is going to regulate my behavior far more strictly than a legal code. But I do have a responsibility (I owe it, Paul says) to be a good citizen, a good financial manager, a nice respectful neighbor, and a person who willingly honors those who have merited it.
Prayer:

Almighty God, I pledge allegiance to you. You alone are Sovereign, Ruler, and King. But because you call me to honor my government, because you have so richly blessed me to be in a land such as this, because you have lavished your grace on me so richly, I will live today in a way that honors my allegiance to you, my citizenship in my country, and my respect toward those whom I meet this day. In Jesus I pray. Amen.

2006-10-20T07:06:00.000-04:00

Let’s amaze the world by telling them about a God who still has the power to amaze!

My Prayer for Today:

Precious Lord, You are amazing in all Your ways. You are clothed in majesty and worthy of all our praise. Thank you for the record of Jesus’ life and for His promise that we can do greater things. Help my unbelief. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

2006-10-12T06:55:00.000-04:00

Vacation is coming up soon. Then Thanksgiving & Christmas--this time of year always goes by quickly for me. It is also the time of year that the most trumatic events happened in my past--October 31 is a milestone as it is the anniversary date of when I was first told by my spouse that he was leaving-that was in 1990 and then in 1993 I was in the midst of being diagnosed with colon cancer. But here it is 2006 and I am still here and there is much left that is to be fulfulled in my journey. God is faithful.

From Breaking Point by Chuck Colson

The Amish Shine Their Light

Two stories have dominated the news in the past week: the Foley scandal and the shooting of Amish schoolchildren in Pennsylvania. One of these stories is depressing. The other is a vivid example of what it means to be the Light of the world.

On October 2, Charles Carl Roberts entered a one-room Amish schoolhouse and took ten girls hostage. An hour later, Roberts killed five of his hostages and then killed himself.

From the start, these school killings stood out from other such attacks: The killer, first of all, was an adult, not a student; and then there was the irony of the Amish, a pacifist community that resists what it regards as the contagions of modernity, falling victim to a very modern kind of violence.

Most remarkable is what happened in the schoolhouse itself. Thirteen-year-old Marian Fisher, one of the Amish girls held captive, displayed Christ-like love: She offered to lay her life down for her friends, reportedly telling her would-be killer, "Shoot me and leave the other ones loose!"

And even in the painful aftermath of the shootings, the Amish continued their witness to the love of Christ, reaching out to Roberts's family, attending Roberts's funeral, comforting his wife and children, and providing for them through a fund established for Roberts's victims and their families. One victim's family even invited the Roberts to their daughter's funeral. In the most dramatic way, they forgave Roberts.

As I watched the news, it was clear that the media had trouble understanding the kindness and forgiveness extended to Roberts and his family. It wasn't the first time that Christian grace and charity confused people.

Early Christians, unlike their pagan neighbors, cared for the sick during the periodic epidemics that afflicted the late Roman Empire. The sight of Christians staying while everyone else fled confounded their critics and confused their neighbors.

Many but not all: In its first centuries, Christianity grew at 40 percent per decade. By the time of Constantine, at least 10 percent of the empire was Christian-a remarkable statistic when you recall that to be a Christian at that time was to live with a target painted on your back.

What fueled this explosive growth was the way the early Christians loved one another, were concerned for the weak and marginalized, and were willing to die, if necessary, for their faith. These living epistles were the ultimate witness to the truth of the Gospel and its transformative power.

What was true of Rome is still true today. People can dispute our words, but they have no answer to a demonstration of forgiveness, reconciliation, and charity. Before the shootings, the Amish seemed quaint. Now, they're extraordinary.

Ironically, they inspire us yet another way. In classrooms across America, students are force-fed Darwinism. They are taught that we are the products of random processes and natural selection-that is, the survival of the fittest. But in the Amish classroom, that thesis is demolished by self-sacrificing love, the one thing Darwin could never explain.

So the Amish have given us a powerful demonstration of the truth of the Biblical worldview and, indeed, of the Light of the world.

2006-09-13T06:56:00.000-04:00

Dancing with the stars is back! Need I say more...

Fall is coming and I love the fall.

Will be leading a small group and am very excited.

Helping in the children's ministry at church.

John's birthday is coming.

Vacation will be here before you know it.

Life is good.

2006-08-31T06:32:00.000-04:00

Rest is not just sleep, not just relaxation, not just a fun time, but a deep sense of hope and peace that will only abide in us to the degree that we abide in Christ and the grace He provides. Rest is not just punching out the time-clock and putting up your feet, it is resting in the fact that grace covers you, that mercy and protection are extended to you, and that your days are numbered and ordered of the Lord. That’s not something we typically find remembrance of while napping or knitting, but while tuning out the world long enough to plug into God’s amazing perspective.

2006-08-27T17:36:00.000-04:00

"Sometimes it feels as if God isn’t listening to me.” Those words, from a woman who tried to stay strong in her walk with God while coping with an alcoholic husband, echo the heartcry of many believers. For 18 years, she asked God to change her husband. Yet it never happened.

What are we to think when we repeatedly ask God for something good—something that could easily glorify Him—but the answer doesn’t come? Is He listening or not?

Let’s look at the life of the Savior. In the Garden of Gethsemane, He agonized for hours in prayer, pouring out His heart and pleading, “Let this cup pass from Me” (Matthew 26:39). But the Father’s answer was clearly “No.” To provide salvation, God had to send Jesus to die on the cross. Even though Jesus felt as if His Father had forsaken Him, He prayed intensely and passionately because He trusted that God was listening.

When we pray, we may not see how God is working or understand how He will bring good through it all. So we have to trust Him. We relinquish our rights and let God do what is best.

We must leave the unknowable to the all-knowing One. He is listening and working things out His way. —Dave Branon

Not ours to know the reason why
Unanswered is our prayer,
But ours to wait for God’s own time
To lift the cross we bear. —Anon.

When we bend our knees to pray, God bends His ear to listen.

Life with Midge

2006-08-22T22:35:00.000-04:00

Well, Midge decided to take a stroll this morning. Thankfully I had some clothes on and not just my pj's as I was up and down my block trying to convince her to come home. She missed being hit by a car twice and finally went into my neighbor's yard where I was able to corner her. We need to work on the command "come".

Well I delivered Jen's package to the post office and when they asked me if there was anything liquid, etc in the box I said "I have no idea". He just looked at me and I said I am just returning it to my daughter--she sent it to me and said don't open it so I didn't. Luckily-he let me send it.

Work is kind of interesting--the dynamics between everyone constantly changes--sometimes it makes for tension. My doctors appt was rescheduled again but at least they faxed me my blood work so I could see what my cholesterol was. Still a bit high but not much more than last time.

The state fair starts Thursday and we will be going Saturday night. They have some free concerts and I will just kind of look around. Last year my sister was up and we saw a rooster crowing contest-it was fun! A bunch of people stand around a group of roosters and encourage them to crow....

Vacation is coming up the end of October. Rented the car on line the other night.

Looking forward to fall.

MY Space

2006-08-15T00:33:00.000-04:00

My Space--how addicting--four hours have gone by--better get to bed. But it was great to see and read about the kids from Trinity and where they are now.

2006-07-09T07:47:00.000-04:00

We can't just play any old music that comes into our heads, we can't just wing it and hope that it will work. We owe God better than that. We owe God the discipline, the mature and wise imagination, to recognize God's glory and reflect it. And worship in such a way that is yearning toward the day when the world will be full of the Glory of God as the waters cover the sea.

This is from an article from a post on Molly's blog. So often we just go through the motions without doing any preparation--without giving our best to what we are doing and when things don't go well we wonder why the "spirit didn't move".

There is an awesome picture of the tree of life made from turned in weapons that can be accessed through the Wharton's blog. I wonder if Mark had seen it.

Lord help us to seek more of you.

2006-07-03T16:53:00.000-04:00

God, you are not only the Almighty, you are holy! Holy, Holy, Holy are you, the LORD God Almighty. May the whole earth be filled with your glory and may that glory be shown in what I do and say. Forgive me for my own sin and hypocrisy. Bless me with purity and holiness as I pledge my life to your glory. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

2006-06-23T07:12:00.000-04:00

Instead of verbalizing your frustrations, discouragement, and anxiety to the Lord or others, practice verbalizing pleasure about the blessings of God in your life.
In moments where harsh words and/or actions seem to fit the scenario, practice the discipline of asking the Holy Spirit for His gentle touch so you can portray a gentle response.
Instead of becoming bitter and cynical toward God because of unpleasant circumstances, press into Him, trusting that He is near, available, and ready to help you.
Press into God through prayer. Instead of getting anxious and stressed, let His peace sweep over you by laying your need before Him with a thankful heart that rejoices in all He is capable of doing.

2006-06-22T06:45:00.000-04:00

Psalm 91:1
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

Thoughts on today's verse

How good it is to be as close to God as his shadow and share in the comfort of his shelter. He is not far if our hearts choose to draw near him.
Prayer:

O great Almighty God, tender Shepherd and Abba Father, make known to me your nearness. I long to live in your presence and reflect your holiness and grace. By Jesus' blood I draw near to you in full assurance of your love and grace. Amen.'
Would you like your own copy of this devotional?

2006-06-20T06:54:00.000-04:00

God promised through Jeremiah: “You will seek me and find me [and be able to see me],” says God, “when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13).

2006-06-18T20:14:00.000-04:00

Hot Hot Hot ......June 18 and very hot. Went to see The Break Up today. Is a good movie and we can learn from it. Should have done the lawn when I got home but decided it was too hot. Maybe tomorrow after work.

The dogs are chewing away on their raw hide donuts. Time to go watch a little TV, finish the paper and then to bed. Monday morning comes quickly.

2006-05-31T20:55:00.001-04:00

It is so hot.......I am not a summer person--much prefer the cold.

Had a nice weekend visit with Jen in Ohio. The only negative was the heat. So why are we going to Orlando in October???? Hopefully they will have a cold spell. When we went back in 1990 we went in December and the weather was perfect for me. Needed to wear a coat in the mornings--there were no lines at Disney. Much has happened since that trip some good some bad. I just read something that said that everything that has happened in the past was a building stone to what is happening now. God was building a foundation for what He wanted to do at this time. And what is happening now is a building stone for what will happen in the future.

Well this weekend I am dog sitting in PA. The weather is supposed to cool down which will be nice.

The following weekend is Claudia's shower in NJ.

The following weekend John is going to Michigan and then to see Jen. We are just ships passing in the night for now.

2006-05-31T20:55:00.000-04:00

Romans 12:15
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Thoughts on today's verse

We are not alone. God has given us each other to live our lives for him and get us back home to him. Along the way, we want to share each others' burdens, soar on each others joys, and love each others' hurts. There is no such thing as a solo Christian.
Prayer:

Loving Father, lead me to the people today who need their burdens lifted and their joys shared. Let me be your presence in the world of your children today. This I ask in Jesus name. Amen.

2006-05-26T06:58:00.000-04:00

off to Columbus Ohio later today--weather looks like it is going to be a bit warm--quite a change from the last week where I have had the heat on.

Made some arrangements for the trip to Florida--it is seeming more real now. Plan to book the airfare when I get to Columbus.

Time to get started for work

2006-04-13T06:35:00.000-04:00

This was at the end of the Our Daily Bread Devotional for today's reading.

The devil has many enticements,
There's danger wherever you go;
But if you are tempted in weakness,
Ask God for more grace, and say, "No!" —Palmer

A New Day

2006-04-12T06:50:00.000-04:00

It is a new day. Work is starting to pick up which is good. The mix of employees has changed since I've started there and it is interesting to see how people inter act over time. The weather is starting to get nice and I am happy to say that Midge is starting to go outside--but can I trust her??? Not yet. But she brings me joy.

I miss dancing with the Stars.

2006-04-12T06:46:00.000-04:00

Jesus said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.
--Luke 9:23-24
New International Version

THOUGHTS ABOUT TODAY'S VERSE...
"I've just got to find myself." Won't ever happen. We do not "find ourselves, our life" by pursuing it. We find it by losing it to something or someone greater than ourselves. We find our life be losing it to Jesus and the work of his Kingdom.

MY PRAYER...
Master and Maker of all that lives and breathes, take my life and every breath and use it for your glory. May my words and actions this day be pleasing to you. Through Jesus I offer you this prayer and praise. Amen.

2006-04-12T06:43:00.000-04:00

Henri Nouwen said, "Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the 'Beloved.' Being beloved constitutes the truth of our existence." How different could our lives be if we agreed with the Sacred voice, rather than the condemning voice? We have to choose each day, sometimes hour by hour or minute by minute, which voice we will listen to: the Sacred Voice of God, or the lying, condemning voice of Satan. Romans 8:1 assures, "There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." (NLT)

Paul says in Romans 8:38, "And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love." (NLT) You, my friend, are beloved - highly thought of and adored. Rejoice today, beloved, because you will always hold that status in your Heavenly Father's heart.

My Prayer for Today:

Thank You, Lord, for Your love. May I listen to Your sacred Voice today and always. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Strength & Comfort

2006-03-27T22:36:00.000-05:00

Today's reading from Our Daily Bread:

March 27, 2006

Strength & Support

Read:
Job 4:1-11

Your words have upheld him who was stumbling, and you have strengthened the feeble knees. —Job 4:4

Bible In One Year: Judges 1-3; Luke 4:1-30

The local newspaper reported that a mother is devastated because her 21-year-old son, who had always seemed like an upright young man, had been arrested for dealing drugs.

Also in our community, the parents and siblings of a 15-year-old are grieving because he was killed in a gun accident.

An aged friend is heartbroken because her only daughter, the person she depended on more than all others, died from cancer.

People who are hurting have a common need: the comfort that comes from trusting God. They need to be assured that tragedy and grief are not a mark of God's disfavor but that He weeps with them, He loves them, and He will never leave those who are His.

Eliphaz said to Job: "Your words have upheld him who was stumbling, and you have strengthened feeble knees" (Job 4:4). Job earned this tribute despite his own deep suffering. And when we offer comfort to sorrowing and suffering people, we not only emulate Job—we emulate Jesus.

In the midst of a host of hurting people, each one of us can reach out to become a comforter like Job. Let's ask God to make our hearts tender enough to support and strengthen those who are hurting. —Herb Vander Lugt

Reach out and give your love to the loveless,
Reach out and make a home for the homeless;
Reach out and shed God's light in the darkness—
Reach out and let the smile of God touch through you. —Brown
© 1971 Word, Inc

God doesn't comfort us to make us comfortable, but to make us comforters.

God knew I would need this today. He is in control.

God, please have mercy on Amy & Micah and all of the LP people. They need you to carry them for now.

Thank you God for allowing me to have known Mark and for allowing him to have touched so many lives in the short time he was on this earth.

2006-03-21T06:48:00.000-05:00

Psalm 126:6, "He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." (NIV)

Devotion:

In yesterday's devotion, we learned about my friend, Monika, and the troubles she experienced within a short period of time - a move to a new state, the loss of her faithful dog, the death of her beloved husband. Unbelievably, yet another crisis lurked around the corner. Within a year, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. The destructive cancer dictated aggressive treatments: surgery, chemo and radiation.

She struggled with physical pain. However, in her heart she knew her God, Jehovah-Jireh, provided and cared for her. The pain in her body could not dampen the comfort in her soul. She no longer questioned God's trustworthiness in her life. Her heart now cried out to Him, "But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold." (Job 23:10, NIV)

Even though she felt like Job in the Old Testament, who lost everything including her health, Monika also knew that in the end God blessed him. For Scriptures states, "The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys." (Job 42:12, NIV)

Now Monika didn't receive fourteen thousand sheep. (Of which she is very grateful!) But the Jehovah-Jireh did pour out a few surprise blessings.

She fully recovered physically. No trace of cancer lingers in her body after four years. She feels wonderful physically, mentally and spiritually. Monika bubbles enthusiasm for life and boasts in the trustworthy hand of Jehovah-Jireh.

But wait there is more. Her youngest son, unbeknownst to her, entered her name in a national horse food contest. Can you guess who won the grand prize of a two-week equestrian vacation to the countryside of France? Monika!

Then she wrote an essay about cancer survivors, which won her a three-day trip to an ultra exclusive spa in Arizona. (Oprah visits there.) The list goes on and on of God's faithfulness in her life. Sometimes with a grin across her face, she calls Him, Jehovah-Surpriso. For her life truly reflects our key verse, Psalm 126:6, "He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him. (NIV)

You see, despite the trouble and crisis that hit Monika's life, God never left her. He stood beside her in the darkest of moments. Then He changed her tears of sorrow, to the joy of laughter.

And now, she wants to share that joyful knowledge with other people whose lives are hit with a tidal wave of despair. She is the living fulfillment of 2 Corinthians 1:3-5:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. (NIV)

Take heart my friend, Jehovah-Jireh, our God, is there to provide for you no matter how dark your days may be. Take heart joy will come again. Take heart and share with other's how God' provides for you.

My Prayer for Today:

Lord, I thank You that You are always by my side to comfort me. Allow me the privilege to share Your goodness with others. Give me the correct words to comfort the hurting people that I meet. Thank You for the joy that comes after the weeping. I love You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

2006-03-16T19:58:00.000-05:00

from one of my devotionals:

Death, doom and depression stalked my friend, Monika. She had just moved to Las Vegas. (Not many women really want to move here.) She knew no one. Her children were scattered across the United States. The desert landscape depressed her. The summer heat of 110 degrees moved her to tears. Her faithful dog died of cancer shortly after the move. It seemed like things couldn't get much worse.

Yet, they did. Her beloved husband of forty years developed terminal cancer. Monika felt like Job. Although, a Christian for most of her life, she felt completely abandoned by God. She questioned God's trustworthiness in her life. Her heart cried out to Him,

My face is red with weeping,
deep shadows ring my eyes. (Job 16:16, NIV)

Why do you hide your face
and

consider me your enemy? (Job 13:24, NIV)

Even as her faith stumbled, God heard her and the answers were on the way. Just as Scripture assures us, "Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear (Isaiah 65:24, NIV)," the Lord responded.

Monika dropped by a Bible study I was teaching on the Names of God. The day's lesson happened to be on Jehovah-Jireh - God will provide. I read "And Abraham lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold behind him a ram caught in a thicket by his horns: and Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son. And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovah-jireh: as it is said to this day, In the mount of the Lord it shall be seen" (Genesis 22:13-14, KJV).

Although familiar with the Bible, Monika listened carefully as I taught on the Lord as our Provider. God whispered comfort to her aching heart, "Monika, I will be Jehovah-Jireh to you. I will provide for you."

After that, God confirmed His message to my friend. Within a week, Monika received a postcard from a local card store inviting her to come and select a gift. As she strolled over to the designated table, she could tell most of the offerings were junk. Left over broken candles, mismatched cups and saucers. Her eyes swept the table expecting to find nothing she would bother to take home and then her eyes landed on a small devotional book, titled Jehovah-Jireh. Ah ha! A token of love sent straight from heaven through a retailer's promotional event. On that day, Monika realized that although her troubles abounded God knew all the details and He cared for her. She acknowledged she needed to rest in His love and His plan for her life.

Indeed, sometimes it is hard to trust God, especially when everything seems to go wrong. But God is faithful even when we feel otherwise. Babbie Mason sings a beautiful song titled, "When You Can't Trust His Hand, Trust His Heart." The song explains even when we can't understand all the problems of life, we can trust in the goodness of God-our Jehovah-Jireh.

My dear friend, Monika, soon learned that God would not only provide for her every need, but would surpass her greatest expectation for provision with bountiful blessings. Tomorrow we'll see just how Jehovah-Jireh blessed her.

My Prayer for Today:

My Jehovah-Jireh, help me to trust Your heart when I do not understand my circumstances. Open my eyes to Your love and care even in the small details of life such as a store promotion. Reveal Yourself to me as my personal Jehovah-Jireh. In Jesus' Sweet Name, Amen.

cloak of Love

2006-02-22T06:52:00.000-05:00

UpWords from Max Lucado

A Cloak Of Love
Do you own a cloak of love? Do you know anyone who needs one? When you cover someone with concern, you are fulfilling what Paul had in mind when he wrote the phrase "love ... always protects" (1 Cor. 13:4-7 NIV).

The Theological Dictionary of the New Testament is known for its word study, not its poetry. But the scholar sounds poetic as he explains the meaning of protect as used in 1 Corinthians 13:7. The word conveys, he says, "the idea of covering with a cloak of love."

Know anyone in need of a cloak of love?

A few years back I offered one to my daughters. The whirlwind of adolescence was making regular runs through our house, bringing with it more than our share of doubts, pimples, and peer pressure. I couldn't protect the girls from the winds, but I could give them an anchor to hold in the midst. On Valentine's Day, 1997, I wrote the following and had it framed for each daughter:

I have a special gift for you. My gift is warmth at night and sunlit afternoons, chuckles and giggles and happy Saturdays.

But how do I give this gift? Is there a store which sells laughter? A catalog that offers kisses? No. Such a treasure can't be bought. But it can be given. And here is how I give it to you.

Your Valentine's Day gift is a promise, a promise that I will always love your mother. With God as my helper, I will never leave her. You'll never come home to find me gone. You'll never wake up and find that I have run away. You'll always have two parents. I will love your mother. I will honor your mother. I will cherish your mother. That is my promise. That is my gift.

Love, Dad

Know anyone who could use some protection? Of course you do. Then give some.

2006-02-11T08:07:00.000-05:00

Watching Dancing with the Stars brings me joy. I would really like to take ballroom dancing. Maybe that will be my next goal.

2006-01-17T18:55:00.000-05:00

Well back from the weekend in Middletown. It was nice to visit and have no preplanned agenda. Went to Walmart with my Mom and spent a few hours there. It is not easy to go from store to store with my mom as she doesn't get around too quickly these days. Also it was very cold and icy outside so we spent our time out in one place. As we were browsing around who do we run into but Stephanie & Michael and Katie! I had thought of going to PA to visit them but decided against the trip so now we got to visit for awhile anyway. Katie made student of the month. They went back to my mom's to play with Midge for awhile but we finished up shopping and then went to Denny's to eat. Once we got home we relaxed and waited for 24 to come on. Slept in Sunday and Monday.My sister Anne came over on MOnday AM to go over some things and then I packed up and drove home. Wish I wasn't always feeling like I am going to fall asleep when I drive. It doesn't matter if I am tired or have just gotten up but after I am on the road for awhile I just start to nod out.

Back to work today. Day was a little hectic as Ryann is no longer with us and Natalie who is suppose to fill in for her was out sick. Doris had to do all the runs so she was really tired. I tried to pick up some of her work so it was a bit busy.

Friday and Saturday I am going to a class at church for small group leaders. Let's see where this leads. I still feel like I am floating and not grounded anywhere.

Time to pay some bills....

2006-01-11T22:41:00.000-05:00

In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
--Psalm 118:5-6
New International Version

THOUGHTS ABOUT TODAY'S VERSE...
The beginning of the year has been a trying time for people I care about. Maybe it's been that way for you or those you love. My prayer for you, and for them, is that they may know the comfort of God's presence. Whether it's the popular little poem "Footprints" or the familiar "Yea though I walk through the shadow of death, thou art with me," the presence of the Lord is absolutely vital to standing up against our anguish! The Lord does long to be with us, especially at those moments when we feel most alone. He told us that by experiencing it himself at the cross.

MY PRAYER...
I am thankful, O God, that you refused to be God from a safe distance. Because you came and felt what it was like to be abandoned, forsaken, and alone, I know I can trust that I will never be forsaken by you. Please give me a clearer sense of your presence with me in my life today, I pray through Jesus. Amen.

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2006-01-04T07:14:00.000-05:00

Adoniram Judson (1788-1850) was gifted with a brilliant mind. He learned to read at age 3, could translate Greek at 12, and enrolled in Brown University when he was 16. While there he was befriended by Jacob Eames, a man who rejected the miracles of the Bible. When Judson graduated as valedictorian in 1807, he had been so influenced by Eames that he denied his Christian faith.

One night, when Judson was staying at a village inn, he was disturbed by a man moaning in the next room. The following morning he asked the innkeeper about the ailing man. He was told that the man had died and that his name was Jacob Eames.

The startling coincidence of being near his friend at the point of his death stunned Judson. He felt compelled to search his own soul and to seek God's pardon for denying his faith. From that point on, he began to live for the Lord. God led him to pioneer missionary work in Burma. At the end of his life, Adoniram could look back on his ministry that had planted dozens of churches and influenced thousands to become believers.

What kind of influence are we having on others? Do our lives encourage faith in the Savior, or do we cause others to doubt? —Dennis Fisher

We cannot live our lives alone,
For other lives we touch
Are either strengthened by our own
Or weakened just as much. —Anon.

Your life either sheds light or casts a shadow.

2006-01-02T09:24:00.000-05:00

One of the greatest obstacles we face in following Christ is fear of the unknown. We yearn to know in advance the outcome of our obedience and where He is taking us, yet we are given only the assurance that He is with us and that He is in charge. And with that, we venture into the unknown with Him.

2005-12-27T07:04:00.000-05:00

You can't do everything, but you can do something. What you can do, you should do. Today, determine that in the power and grace of God you will do it. —Haddon Robinson

Good words. My plan for the day is to get started on doing what I should.

2005-12-19T06:50:00.000-05:00

Read the following in my daily devotional:

We may say that people need to show themselves worthy of respect before we can respect them. But respecting another person is much more about who we are than about who the other person is.

Well it is Monday and Christmas is almost here. Here's to a good week.

2005-12-18T21:54:00.000-05:00

One more week till Christmas. Seems a little different this year as we did not put up a tree--didn't really have any desire to and we will be down with family to celebrate so it seemed unnecessary to go through all the trouble to put the tree up and more so to take it down when the only ones who would see it are John & I.

Getting my new puppy was a good thing. she is doing good and she makes me laugh. I gave her one of our old bed pillows for a bed--I put a pillowcase on it and I just had to rescue her as she crawled between the case and the pillow and got trapped in it. She has lots of toys to play with but seems to enjoy attacking me the most. Her teeth are quite sharp. She also steals anything she can get and brings it back to her kennel. My slippers are one of her favorite things. I've found John's glove inside and one day she was trying to drag my coat to her kennel.

Work has been pretty slow and I hope it picks up as it can be boring whenthere is not enough to do. We had our annual Christmas dinner on Friday night. Good times but the room was a bit cramped. We went to a different place this year. Closer to home which was nice.

Played pool tonight-- I really enjoy that game. I won 7-3. Have some presents to wrap but am not motivated just now. I think we may get out early on Friday so I plan to clean and wrap then.

That's it for now

Trials

2005-12-10T17:43:00.000-05:00

Read the following in Christianity today--

My Soul's Dark Night
The best of evangelicalism didn't prepare me for this struggle.
By Charles Colson with Anne Morse

I am a product of the best in evangelicalism: converted 32 years ago in a flood of tears after hearing the gospel, discipled by a strong prayer group, taught by great theologians. I know the strength of evangelicalism in bringing people to an intimate relationship with Jesus.

But what happens when you have relied on this intimacy and the day comes when God seems distant? What happens in the dark night of the soul?

I found out this past year. Weeks after finishing The Good Life, my son Wendell was diagnosed with bone cancer. The operation to remove a malignant tumor took 10 hours—the longest day of my life. Wendell survived, but he's still in chemo.

I had barely caught my breath when my daughter, Emily, was diagnosed with melanoma.

Back in the hospital, I again prayed fervently. Soon after, my wife, Patty, underwent major knee surgery. Where was my good life?

Exhausted from hospitals, two years of writing The Good Life, and an ugly situation with a disgruntled former employee, I found myself wrestling with the Prince of Darkness, who attacks us when we are weakest. I walked around at night, asking God why he would allow this. Alone, shaken, fearful, I longed for the closeness with God I had experienced even in the darkest days of prison.
What happens when you have relied on intimacy with God, and the day comes when he seems distant?

An answer came in September. I was standing alone on the deck of a friend's home in North Carolina, overlooking the spectacular Smoky Mountains arising out of the mist. I was moved by the glory of God's creation. It's impossible not to know God as the Creator, I realized, for there is no other rational explanation for reality. God cannot not be.

It struck me that I don't have to make sense of the agonies I bear or hear a clear answer. God is not a creature of my emotions or senses. God is God, the one who created me and takes responsibility for my children's destiny and mine. I can only cling to the certainty that he is and he has spoken.

I'm not sure how well the contemporary evangelical world prepares us for this struggle, which I suspect many evangelicals experience but fear to admit because of the expectations we create. At such times, we can turn for strength to older and richer theological traditions probably unfamiliar to many—writings by saints who endured agonies both physical and spiritual.

Teresa of Avila was a 16th-century Spanish mystic and author of The Interior Castle. Teresa, who suffered from paralyzing illnesses, wrote, "For his Majesty can do nothing greater for us than grant us a life which is an imitation of that lived by his beloved Son. I feel certain, therefore, that these favors [sufferings] are given us to strengthen our weakness."

John of the Cross, persecuted and thrown into prison, wrote the classic The Dark Night of the Soul. "O you souls who wish to go on with so much safety and consolation," John wrote. "If you knew how pleasing to God is suffering and how much it helps in acquiring other good things, you would never seek consolation in anything, but you would rather look upon it as a great happiness to bear the Cross of the Lord."

In the evangelical heritage, we could draw on spiritual forebears like the Puritans and Charles Spurgeon. "When thy God hides his face, say not that he has forgotten thee," Spurgeon once wrote. "He is but tarrying a little while to make thee love him better, and when he cometh, thou shalt have joy in the Lord and shalt rejoice with joy unspeakable."

The point of these older traditions is that faith becomes strongest when we are without consolation and must walk into the darkness with complete abandon.

Faith isn't really faith if we can always rely on the still, small voice of God cheering us on. A prominent pastor once told me he experienced the Holy Spirit's presence every moment. Contemporary evangelicals regard this as maturity. Perhaps it is—or maybe it is a form of presumption. True faith trusts even when every outward reality tells us there is no reason to.

As theologian Michael Novak explains, true faith says, "Let this be done, Lord, according to your will"—even if we don't know what "this" is.

Evangelicals must rely on more than cheerful tunes, easy answers, and happy smiles. We must dig deeply into the church's treasures to find what it is like to worship God, not because of our circumstances, but in spite of them.

Following the events of 2005, my faith is deepened. Countless times over the years I've experienced God and his providence, but I've also known the dark night. God, I've realized, is not just the friend who takes my hand, but also the great, majestic Creator who reigns forever.

2005-12-09T07:03:00.000-05:00

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town.
Not a sign of Baby Jesus was anywhere to be found.

The people were all busy with Christmas time chores
Like decorating, and baking, and shopping in stores

No one sang "Away in a manger, no crib for a bed.
Instead, they sang of Santa dressed-up in bright red.

Mama watched Martha Stewart, Papa drank beer from a tap.
As hour upon hour the presents they'd wrap

When what from the T.V. did they suddenly hear?
'Cept an ad.. which told of a big sale at Sears.

So away to the mall they all flew like a flash...
Buying things on credit.. and others with cash!

And, as they made their way home From their trip to the mall,
D id they think about Jesus? Oh, no ... not at all.

Their lives were so busy with their Christmas time thing
No time to remember Christ Jesus, the King.

There were presents to wrap and cookies to bake.
How could they stop and remember who died for their sake?

To pray to the Savior... they had no time to stop.
Because they needed more time to "Shop til they dropped!"

On Wal-mart! On K-mart! On Target! On Penney's!
On Hallmark! On Zales! A quick lunch at Denny's

From the big stores downtown to the stores at the mall
They would dash away, dash away, and visit them all!

And up on the roof, there arose such a clatter
As grandpa hung icicle lights up on his brand new step ladder.

He hung lights that would flash. He hung lights that would twirl.
But he never once prayed "Jesus... Light up the World".

Christ's eyes ... how they twinkle! Christ's Spirit ... how merry!
Christ's love .... how enormous! All our burdens... He'll carry!

So instead of being busy, overworked, and uptight
Let's put Christ back in CHRISTmas and enjoy some good nights!

Merry Christmas, To ALL

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater

2005-11-16T07:06:00.000-05:00

The following article articulates some of my feelings regarding the church--as I read it I laughed, agreed,was grossed out (the man in the choir), was sad---sometimes we don't see the handwriting on the wall until it is too late.

Christianity Today, November 2005

In Praise of the Church Lady
God manages to use dubious characters to shape our lives.
by Mark Linville | posted 11/15/2005 09:00 a.m.

I was overchurched as a child. The prevailing ethic of our church community dictated that "every time the church doors are open you should be there." Whether our family actually succeeded in this, I am not sure. But, at any rate, my childhood memories are filled with those of my reluctant but compulsory attendance at more church gatherings than I thought I could bear.

What stands out in my boyhood memories is an assortment of odd characters. I can recall being sternly warned by one member not to eat snow because it had been poisoned by Nikita Khrushchev. An elder of the church adamantly maintained on more than one occasion that we had not "evoluted." A brigade of lay evangelists confronted devout Lutherans or Presbyterians—or even people who had been baptized in the right way but with the wrong idea—on their doorsteps, unblinkingly informing them that they were destined to be cast into the lake of fire unless they converted (i.e., joined our church). These guys made the Sanctified Brethren of Lake Wobegon look like Unitarians. There was Al, who, upon greeting you at the church door with a handshake, would inexplicably pull your hand up into his moist underarm. I learned quickly to enter church through the side door. There was Mr. Reed, an elderly man who sat in the choir, facing the congregation, and had the rather dispiriting habit of elaborately—even ceremoniously—hacking phlegm from his deepest recesses and then, predictably, leaning forward to spit it into the carpet in front of his seat.

We also had our share of hypocrites: the volunteer youth sponsor who, though recently married, attempted to seduce half of the teenage girls in the youth group; the other volunteer youth sponsor who succeeded in seducing another man's wife and running off with her. I can recall more than one occasion on which some of the churchmen traded racist jokes—featuring, of course, the n-word as a kind of verbal centerpiece. Then the minister took an inordinate interest in the contents of a skirt or two in the congregation and was soon seen loading a U-Haul bound for another state.

There was also the Church Lady, who, outfitted with horn-rimmed glasses and a flannelgraph lesson, taught my Sunday school classes. If every believer is graced with some spiritual gift, such as hospitality or encouragement, hers was the gift of disapproval. This woman never understood that good behavior in little boys did not entail their acting like little girls, so I am sure that her reprimands brought out the worst in me. I could never seem to escape the Church Lady as she was also perpetually involved in vacation Bible school, that bane of summer; a whole week of daylight stolen from the middle of a sandlot-baseball-playing boy's vacation. Under her direction, we pledged allegiance to the Bible ("God's Holy Word") and to the Christian flag ("and to the Savior for whose kingdom it stands"), drank green Kool-Aid from Dixie cups, and glued macaroni to plates to form crosses.

As a child, I was dragged involuntarily to a plethora of gatherings and placed under the authority of dubious characters, many of whom might have made interesting studies in abnormal psychology. Some of this is perhaps the stuff cited by members of Fundamentalists Anonymous, a support group for people who have finally escaped the clutches of the religious authorities of their childhood, but who are still nursing old wounds.

But this company of the strange, the judgmental, and the hypocritical—in cooperation, of course, with the not-so-strange nor hypocritical—managed somehow to do me the invaluable service of laying a solid foundation for the faith of my adult life. Indeed, these imperfect people instilled within me my basic worldview by the time I was 4 years old. That worldview has undergone a bit of fine-tuning since then, but by age 4, I had the deep conviction that there is a God who is supremely good and wise, that he created us out of love, and that he wishes for us to learn to love one another in the same way that he loves us. This early orientation on my proper place in the grand scheme of things has been a keel that has directed safe passage through a variety of intellectual and emotional crosscurrents.

I suspect that the Church Lady—who in my memory is more an amalgam of many people who had an early influence on me than an actual person—had something less than an articulate and carefully reasoned theology. I would not be surprised to learn that she harbored some religious beliefs that were downright silly. But she is yet another example of those crude earthen vessels in which God has placed his treasure, and which he is able to use for his good purposes. Everywhere I looked, it seemed, there were examples of people struggling to live lives of discipleship as best they understood it. In short, I grew up in the midst of a community of people who embraced essentially the same Christian worldview, however imperfectly, and I am the better for it.

In addition to this network of believers who shared the burden of directing my earliest steps, in the late 1950s and early 1960s, there was the sense that those authority figures beyond the church walls—schoolteachers, for example—were very much in league with my parents. But the winds have changed in our culture. The teachers in charge of our children may be more interested in dismantling their politically incorrect Christian convictions than encouraging them. And while I am not interested in joining a critique of today's children's cartoons for purportedly promoting the gay lifestyle, I do believe there is a cynical atmosphere that pervades many of the forms of entertainment to which today's children are exposed. It is the cynicism that marks our postmodern times and that promotes a sort of ironic detachment from any form of deep conviction and commitment. It is "hipness unto death." Our children are alive to it at earlier ages, with the result that the old loyalties can appear to them as quaint, hopelessly naïve, and easily parodied ("Sounds like The Waltons! Goodnight, John Boy!"). Thus the natural trusting innocence of childhood is lost.

The Church Lady is needed today more than ever. It would be the height of foolishness for us to expect to engender a robust faith in our children today without simply immersing them in a community of believing people as I was. There may be attempts within the home to instill faith and Christian virtues, but the prevailing winds of our culture are blowing strongly in the opposite direction. Young saplings are nearly certain to bend to and be shaped by those winds if not sheltered. And the only proven shelter is marked by a steeple.

Mark Linville is professor of philosophy at Atlanta Christian College.

2005-11-13T08:20:00.000-05:00

MY PRAYER...
Holy Father, my Great Emancipator, you have freed me from sin, law, and death at the cost of your precious Son. I open my heart to you today to say I love you and want to thank you. Please accept the actions of my life, the words of my mouth, the thoughts of my mind, and the emotions of my heart today as my offering of thanks. Through Jesus my Sacrifice and your holy Son I pray. Amen.

2005-11-12T09:16:00.000-05:00

Where am I? Trying to stay in the moment. I have a bad habit of always being somewhere other than where I am right now. Memories are good to look back on and use your experience from, dreams and goals are also important but I want to embrace the moment. This is where I am right now--take the time to get all that I can from it---this day, this hour will not come again.

Well this hour involves doing my bills and then going about the rest of my day. I may finally check out the zoo that is less than 10 minutes away.

Stay tuned

2005-11-02T22:27:00.000-05:00

Discipleship is sometimes defined by being normal.

A woman in a small Arkansas community was a single mom with a frail baby. Her
neighbor would stop by every few days and keep the child so she could shop.
After some weeks her neighbor shared more than time; she shared her faith, and
the woman did what Matthew did. She followed Christ.

The friends of the young mother objected. "Do you know what those people
teach?" they contested.

"Here is what I know," she told them. "They held my baby."

I think Jesus likes that kind of answer, don't you?

2005-10-18T06:44:00.000-04:00

We had a guest speaker on Sunday and the topic was fear and how it runs our lives. He was a very low key speaker but delivered a strong message.

The message I keep getting as I seek to draw closer to God is His holiness. To keep reading about His holiness.

Met with some ladies from church for dinner last night. Conversation was good but as usually the case it stayed superficial until it was almost time to go. We wound up staying afterwards in the lobby to talk some more.

Through the centuries, some of God's servants have faced the possibility of an agonizing death unless they renounced their faith. They knew that God could deliver them, but they also knew that in keeping with His own purposes He might not answer their pleas for supernatural help.

In the book of Daniel, three young Hebrew captives faced a life-and-death choice: Worship the king's gold image or be thrown into the fiery furnace. Their response was unhesitating: "Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace." They added, "But if not, . . . we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up" (Daniel 3:17-18).

But if not! Those words challenge our allegiance. Suppose we face crippling disease. Suppose we are facing shameful disgrace. Suppose we are facing painful loss. We plead for God's intervention, yet in every threatening circumstance our plea should carry the proviso, "But if not!"

Is our attitude that of Jesus in Gethsemane? "O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will" (Matthew 26:39).

Are we willing to endure whatever will glorify God and work out His holy purposes? —Vernon Grounds

They climbed the steep ascent of heaven
Through peril, toil, and pain:
O God, to us may grace be given
To follow in their train. —Heber

When conviction runs deep, courage rises to sustain it.

It is in God's Hands

2005-10-14T22:52:00.000-04:00

The world was horrified when Chechen rebels massacred hundreds of people held hostage in a school in Beslan, Russia. Many of the victims were children, including six belonging to the two Totiev brothers, who are active in Christian ministry.

One of the brothers reacted in a way that most of us would have a hard time choosing. He said, "Yes, we have an irreplaceable loss, but we cannot take revenge." He believes what the Lord says, as recorded in Romans 12:19, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay."

Some of us have difficulty getting rid of bitterness about small slights, to say nothing of major offenses like this family faced. Totiev's attitude lets go of bitterness and doesn't seek revenge. It abhors what is evil (v.9), but doesn't repay evil for evil (v.17). What a difference there would be in marriages, families, churches, and in all our relationships if by the Holy Spirit's enablement we were filled with a Christlike attitude that puts in God's hands the injustices done to us.

Why not pause right now and search your heart. If there is any bitterness toward another or a desire for revenge, ask the Holy Spirit to help you not to be "overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (v.21). —Vernon Grounds

Search me, O God, and know my heart today!
Try me, O Savior, know my thoughts I pray.
See if there be some wicked way in me;
Cleanse me from every sin, and set me free. —Orr

Someday the scales of justice will be perfectly balanced.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The weekend awaits....time to go to bed....Scruffy is already snoring.

Reverence

2005-10-10T06:35:00.000-04:00

Good weekend. Retreat Friday-Saturday, Kelli in on Saturday evening--heat was not working so we started a fire and sat before it and listened to a tape from the retreat. Tape was good and the fact that we needed heat was even better--I love this time of year.
Church on Sunday-which I almost didn't go to--so glad I did. Sunday night we started the billard league--I really liked it. They play "9" ball which is different from what I played years ago ut it is fun.

Would have liked to sleep longer this morning.

Dentist tomorrow at 7:30AM!! Joy joy.

It is the Lord your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him.
--Deuteronomy 13:4
New International Version

THOUGHTS ABOUT TODAY'S VERSE...
So many people want us to follow their lead and obey their voice. But God has proved himself faithful and loving through the ages. In his might he is to be revered. But rather than seeing reverence as a "church thing," we are reminded by Moses it is a "life thing." We are to obey and keep his commandments, and we are to serve him and depend upon him in our daily lives. Rather than silence in the assembly, reverence is action to his glory!

MY PRAYER...
Holy and Righteous Father, help me take my worship outside the church building into my day to day life as I try to live what I sing, practice what I say, and pursue what I pray. In Jesus name. Amen.

Time

2005-09-30T06:51:00.000-04:00

I have entirely too much time that I am not putting to good use. I procrastinate. There are things to be done but I need this extra push to get started.

Going to go to my Mom's this weekend.

2005-09-29T07:00:00.000-04:00

Good morning world!

Faith

2005-09-28T06:58:00.000-04:00

Sept. 28, 2005

My Struggles Are About Him
by Max Lucado

What about your struggles? Is there any chance, any possibility, that you have
been selected to struggle for God's glory? Have you "been granted for Christ's
sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him, but also to suffer
for His sake" (Philippians 1:29)?

Here is a clue. Do your prayers seem to be unanswered? What you request and
what you receive aren't matching up? Don't think God is not listening. Indeed he
is. He may have higher plans.

Here is another. Are people strengthened by your struggles? A friend of mine can
answer yes. His cancer was consuming more than his body; it was eating away at
his faith. Unanswered petitions perplexed him. Well-meaning Christians confused
him. "If you have faith," they said, "you will be healed."

No healing came. Just more chemo, nausea, and questions. He assumed the fault
was a small faith. I suggested another answer. "It's not about you," I told
him. "Your hospital room is a showcase for your Maker. Your faith in the face
of suffering cranks up the volume of God's song."

Oh, that you could have seen the relief on his face. To know that he hadn't
failed God and God hadn't failed him-this made all the difference. Seeing his
sickness in the scope of God's sovereign plan gave his condition a sense of
dignity. He accepted his cancer as an assignment from heaven: a missionary to
the cancer ward.

A week later I saw him again. "I reflected God," he said, smiling through a thin
face, "to the nurse, the doctors, my friends. Who knows who needed to see God,
but I did my best to make him seen."

Bingo. His cancer paraded the power of Jesus down the Main Street of his world.

God will use whatever he wants to display his glory. Heavens and stars. History
and nations. People and problems.

Rather than begrudge your problem, explore it. Ponder it. And most of all, use
it. Use it to the glory of God.

Through your problems and mine, may God be seen.

The above is from one of my devotional readings but I believe it originated in Max Lucado's book "It's Not About You". It is once again a reminder to me to stop looking at what is going on around me and keep my focus on Jesus.

I see my home situation gradually returning to what it once was. I am not the same person I was so some of my reactions and feelings are different but mostly I need to be reminded that it is not about me. It is about God and His glory.

Help me Lord to be who you want me to be. Thank you for being faithful to me even when I walk away from you.

2005-09-24T07:54:00.000-04:00

Be still, My child, and know that I am God!
Wait thou patiently—I know the path you trod.
So falter not, nor fear, nor think to run and hide,
For I, thy hope and strength, am waiting by thy side. —Hein

If we have hope, we can go on.

Life is full of challenges. I have found over the years that what has occurred before is a building ground so that each new situation you face has the advantage of past experiences.

I am not who I want to be, I am not what I am going to be but thank God I am not what I used to be.

Kelli is in for the weekend. Just the nights actually. In a little bit I hope to start cleaning my windows--fall cleaning. The weather is just right for it. Nice and cool. But first I think I will take a short nap--it is Saturday and I can choose my schedule.

Blessings to all who may read this.

Happiness

2005-09-23T07:59:00.000-04:00

There is no true happiness apart from holiness, and no holiness apart from Christ.

Why Me?

2005-09-20T07:01:00.000-04:00

Why Me?

Read:
Luke 17:11-19

One of them, when he saw that he was healed, returned, and with a loud voice glorified God. —Luke 17:15

Bible In One Year: Ezekiel 31-33

A few years ago, an unkempt, poorly adjusted youth named Tim (not his real name) was converted to Christ in an evangelistic crusade. Several days later, still unkempt but bathed in the love of Christ, he was sent to my home so that I could help him find a good church. And so it was that he began attending with me.

Though Tim needed and received much loving help in personal grooming and basic social graces, one characteristic has remained unchanged—his untamed love for his Savior.

One Sunday after church Tim rushed to my side, looking somewhat perplexed. He exclaimed, "Why me? I keep asking myself, why me?" Oh, no, I thought, he's become another complaining Christian. Then with arms outstretched, he went on to say, "Out of all the people in the world who are greater and smarter than I am, why did God choose me?" With that he joyfully clapped his hands.

Over the years I've heard many Christians, including myself, ask "Why me?" during tough times. But Tim is the first one I've heard ask that question when talking about God's blessings. Many were converted the same night as Tim, but I wonder how many among them have humbly asked, "Why me?" May we ask it often. —Joanie Yoder

I know not why God's wondrous grace
To me He hath made known;
Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
Redeemed me for His own. —Whittle

Gratitude should be a continuous attitude.

The above is from Our Daily Bread devotional. Lately what has kept coming to mind is that it is important what I allow to come into my mind--through my eyes, my hearing etc. It reminds of the little children's song that we used to sing in children's church--Oh be careful little eyes what you see... There is so much out there to influence and confuse--I have a choice what I allow to influence me. It is important for me to remember that this is not "IT". This is only a small blip in time compared to eternity. To remember who God is and be in awe of Him. Oh Lord thank you for allowing me to have glimpses of who you are and to feel your presence.

the room

2005-09-12T20:17:00.000-04:00

The ROOM

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed 'em," he later told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote.." It also was the last.

Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teary Valley High School. Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every piece of his life near them-notes from classmates and teachers,his homework.

Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's life.. But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven. "It makes such an impact that people want to share it. You feel like you are there." Mr Moore said.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him."

Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A fi le! named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and bu rn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide th e key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here... Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuit ively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card fr om Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side...

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."-Phil. 4:13 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." If you feel the same way forward it to as many people as you can so the love of Jesus will touch their lives also. My "People I shared the gospel with" file just got bigger, how about yours?

2005-09-12T06:53:00.000-04:00

It's as though a sinister stranger comes knocking on your door. You must let him in, for he knocks insistently and will not go away. He is sorrow personified.

You believe no one sees your tears and you feel all alone—but God sees them and He understands. "All night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears," David said in Psalm 6. "The Lord has heard the voice of my weeping" (vv.6,8). "You number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in Your book?" (56:8). Though "weeping may endure for a night," it is a transient houseguest, for "joy comes in the morning" (30:5).

We remember, as David did, that God's love and favor last for a lifetime. He has promised never to leave us nor forsake us. When God's love comes into our thoughts, our feelings of sorrow and dread flee. Our mourning is turned into dancing, our garments of sackcloth and sorrow are stripped away and we are girded with gladness. We can rise to greet the day with shouts of ringing praise for His mercy, guidance, and protection. We rejoice in His holy name (30:11-12).

No matter our circumstances, let's sing to the Lord once again! —David Roper

Praise is the voice of a soul set free.

Although there is much we have no control over----our soul can soar despite what is going on around us.

2005-09-07T21:15:00.000-04:00

Back from a great "mini" vacation to Columbus. The weather was perfect and everything went well. The zoo was beautiful--so much to see. The trip to Easton ended too quickly--lots of stores to check out--there is always next time. It was great to see how well Mark is doing and I enjoyed visiting with the people from the community.

Went back to work today rested and anticipating a full workload.

One of my readings for the day:

Sept. 7, 2005

A Good Heart, But...
By Max Lucado

(Scene-Sunday A.M. assembly; silent prayer)

Max: God, I want to do great things.

God: You do?

Max: You bet! I want to teach millions! I want to fill the Rose Bowl! I want all
of the world to know your saving power! I dream of the day-

God: That's great, Max. In fact, I can use you today after church.

Max: Super! How about some radio and TV work or ... or ... or an engagement to
speak to Congress?

God: Well, that's not exactly what I had in mind. See that fellow sitting next
to you?

Max: Yes.

God: He needs a ride home.

Max (quietly): What?

God: He needs a ride home. And while you're at it, one of the older ladies
sitting near you is worried about getting a refrigerator moved. Why don't you
drop by this afternoon and-

Max (pleading): But, God, what about the world?

God (smiling): Think about it.


It's the little things in life that are important.

2005-08-24T20:40:00.000-04:00

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
--Romans 12:15
New International Version

THOUGHTS ABOUT TODAY'S VERSE...
We are not alone. God has given us each other to live our lives for him and get us back home to him. Along the way, we want to share each others' burdens, soar on each others joys, and love each others' hurts. There is no such thing as a solo Christian.

MY PRAYER...
Loving Father, lead me to the people today who need their burdens lifted and their joys shared. Let me be your presence in the world of your children today. This I ask in Jesus name. Amen.

2005-08-09T19:34:00.000-04:00

Something I read today and it helped me so I thought I would pass it along

Psalm 116:15 says, "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." I know this is true, and I also know that Jesus weeps over our losses, and he shares our grief. But he also sees the future, and he sees the whole picture, He knows his purpose in taking Landon and Anthony and Rick and Jessi and Bob. ( these were people the author knew) And he's already seen the reunions that are yet to come. Joyful, overwhelming, celebratory reunions.

We cannot control God, and we cannot second-guess him, as much as we'd like to try. Our God has plans and purposes that are far beyond our understanding.

Sometimes those plans and purposes break our hearts.
Sometimes they require sacrifices we never agreed to make.
Sometimes they stop us dead in our tracks, turn us upside down, inside out, and paralyze us with pain.

But his comfort is not far behind. And as we climb up into his lap and weep into his chest, he whispers in our ear, "Shhh. It's okay. I did it for a reason, and some day I'll tell you what it is." He strokes our hair and hugs us tight, and cries with us. "Shhh. Just hang on. It's not that long before you'll see them again. And then you'll be with them for eternity. I promise to see you through this."

Our whys are not answered, but we trust that there is a reason. God is in control, and he loves us through our pain.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The above was in the back of a book I just finished. It was a Christian fiction book that dealt with tradegies that befell a family who served the Lord. The author was sharing some personal events that had happened recently in her life.

So much happens that we don't understand and we question and try to figure out but we will never know why. I hear God being questioned and comments made to the effect of "if God is like that I don't want to know him" as if we the created have the right to question anything that God does or allows. Our minds have been so distorted by what we have been exposed to. Help me Lord to remember who I am and who you are.

Party Time

2005-08-04T06:48:00.000-04:00

UpWords from Max Lucado

August 3, 2005

Why Jesus Went To Parties
By Max Lucado

Why would Jesus, on his first journey, take his followers to a party?

Didn't they have work to do? Didn't he have principles to teach?  Wasn't his
time limited? How could a wedding fit with his purpose on earth?

Why did Jesus go to the wedding?

The answer? It's found in the second verse of John 2. "Jesus and his followers
were also invited to the wedding."

Why did they invite him?

I suppose they liked him.

Big deal? I think so. I think it's significant that common folk in a little town
enjoyed being with Jesus. I think it's noteworthy that the Almighty didn't act
high and mighty. The Holy One wasn't holier-than-thou.

You just don't get the impression that his neighbors grew sick of his
haughtiness and asked, "Well, who do you think made you God?"

His faith made him likable, not detestable. Would that ours would do the same!

May I state an opinion that may raise an eyebrow? May I tell you why I think
Jesus went to the wedding? I think he went to the wedding to-now hold on, hear
me out, let me say it before you heat the tar and pluck the feathers-I think
Jesus went to the wedding to have fun.

Maybe these thoughts catch you by surprise. They do me. It's been awhile since I
pegged Jesus as a party-lover. But he was. His foes accused him of eating too
much, drinking too much, and hanging out with the wrong people! (See Matt.
11:19.) I must confess: It's been awhile since I've been accused of having too
much fun. How about you?

We used to be good at it. What has happened to us? What happened to clean joy
and loud laughter? Is it our neckties that choke us? Is it our diplomas that
dignify us? Is it the pew that stiffens us?

Jesus took time for a party. . .shouldn't we?

Barbeque here next weekend--Saturday I believe--aiming for laughter

2005-08-03T07:01:00.000-04:00

2005-08-02T07:09:00.000-04:00

Because God's goodness is as constant as the sun, we are in danger of forgetting what He showers on us each day. If we count our blessings one by one, we'll never get finished. But if we jot down a list of 10 or 20 gifts God gives us each day, something will happen to our hearts.

Let's try it and find out for ourselves. —Haddon Robinson

Every morning as we rise,
God's new mercies greet our eyes;
And when twilight shadows fall,
Evening blessings brighten all. —Anon.
If you want to be rich, count all the things you have that money can't buy.

2005-08-01T06:52:00.000-04:00

Like medicine, God's Word must be taken as directed. Are you internalizing its truth? —Vernon Grounds

God's Word brings health and healing
To every sin-sick soul,
But we must take and heed it
Before we can be whole. —D. De Haan
The Bible contains the vitamins for soul health.

2005-07-11T06:50:00.000-04:00

Good weekend. I spent a lot of Saturday in bed just sleeping. Of course I paid for this Saturday night when it was 12:20am and I still couldn't fall asleep. But it was worth it.
Sunday was also a good day. Started out at church, then the stores and then came home to do some yard work before sitting myself before the TV with my book that I was trying to finish. After dinner I checked in on my mom and she appears to be ok except for the weakness on the one side.

This morning I checked my email which among other things has my old newspaper site on it. I was sad to see that the little boy that was missing has been confirmed dead. Another article tells of a 17 month old that was shot and killed by police as they were defending themselves from the person who was holding her hostage. They shot him and in the process she was also killed. Not the best way to start off a new day. Thankfully I also checked out my devotional sites. The one talked of picking up our crosses daily and denying ourselves.

Then I checked out some blogs. Eric's seems to have created a stir regarding our current leadership. It is easy to get caught up in the emotions that are generated by the topic. We all have opinions---our message yesterday at church was about judging others while we still have much to correct in ourselves. It is easy to get carried off on a subject that is dear to us and in the process lose our battle with focusing on God. For me anyway. the enemy does not come in looking like something bad--heathy debate and discussion seems like a good thing but division is not good. We need to focus on what unites us and that is the cross of Christ. The love of God and what lenghts he will go to trying to draw us to Him.

Thank you Father for your persistance and patience.

Your daughter

Been awhile

2005-06-24T06:23:00.000-04:00

Today is Friday and right now it is cool outside and I have just finished breakfast. I am pretty much at peace and look forward to work. Work has changed a lot for me since Doris has started there. She is a bubbling personality--the type who brings out the best in a person. The positive thinking kind of individual that I need to be around.

Lucy had her baby--a healthy little girl. She has two boys already so girl is what she wanted. She and the baby are doing well.

Kelli is coming in tomorrow I am looking forward to the visit.

Plan to go to church meeting tonight--I can't even remember what it is called but it is their equivalent of a 12 step meeting.

Went to Trinity last Sunday and got to see my old friends. It was good to catch up on what is going on in their lives and Rochelle brought a new person to lunch so she shared some of her story. God knew what we needed to hear to keep us on the right path.

God is sovereign and doesn't have to explain Himself to us or make sense to us. Somehow we have gotten confused on this issue. We have gone heavily into the "God loves us" and that is true but do we really know what "love is"? Does "love" always make us feel good? Discipline is love, disappointment can come from "love', hurt can result from "love", pain can come from "love"....

I think we need to focus more on obedience to God's desire for us and even when it doesn't make sense to us obey and trust. Trust that He has a plan and He knows what is best--He sees things in their total context we see things in the immediate.

I am very grateful that circumstances led me to move to Syracuse and that I found employment and that my life is where it is today. God uses different circumstances to get me where I need to be--often I think it is for one reason but it really is for another. Like I said He has a plan and it is a good one--I need to follow it more willingly-without second guessing so much and trying to figure everything out.

Time for work or at least the shower!

Great Play

2005-05-23T22:38:00.000-04:00

Saw a great play at my church this past Saturday. The name of it was "Encounters". It had three individuals who acted out different parts, each basically being asked if they knew Jesus of Nazareth. I was really impressed with the depth of the acting--these were people from our congregation. Kellie was able to go with me and we met up with Jeannie from my Thursday small group (who blessed me with a free ticket--which was good as I had forgotten to take a check with me)

The barbeque went well even if we had to move inside because it started to rain. Played some penny poker. Next day I was extremely tired and came home from church early and went to bed.

Looking forward to this weekend and visiting with the family.

Keeping Mark and his family in prayer as he goes for his evaluation regarding treatment.

Time for bed.

Long time no blog

2005-05-17T21:20:00.000-04:00

Well it has been awhile. Good things have been happening. My position at work has been changed due to an earlier maternity leave for one of my co workers. This means I don't have to do deliveries for now which frees up some of my time to get the other work done. they have me doing more of the bookkeeping now and I like it-I just need time to get into a routine so I remember all that is needed to be done. For the next two weks it will remain chaotic as we have someone going on vacation which really means it is like we are down 2 experienced people. A new person is working at the office to take over my job and she is wonderful. Like my own private angel sent by God to help not only with the work but with the atmosphere. Right now she is feeling really overwhelmed as they are teaching her not only my work but also Linda's so that she can cover that position for when Linda is on vacation. My immediate problem is trying to figure out a deosit that doesn't balance out. I put off dealing with it for today as I was trying to catch up on other things but I will need to deal with it tomorrow. I started my day off with God's word and felt really calm as I went into work and really confident aas I faced different situation during the day. I am very grateful for that.

Great news to learn that Mark & Amy will have some help from the hospital with their medical situation. God's word tells us to do our part and leave the results up to Him. Thank you Lord for once again strenghtening my faith.

My dog Scruffy has decided to present us with some more health problems but God has His ways of preparing me to deal with situations that come up. I have felt vulnerable about my own health--somehow feeling as if it is tied into my dogs as we both started off sick back in 1993 and when she gets sick I start feeling like time is running out--God is helping me with this fear. I have scheduled an appointment with an oncologist up here so that I can continue with my check ups , colonoscopies etc. Have been feeling extremely fatigued for some time now --the last few days have been different--feeling more alive and actually having energy to do things.

Planted my flowers on Mother's day and that was a mistake up here. Most of them are not faring too well. The impatiens have mostly dies off but the geraniums are holding on. I'm told that you shuld wait till closer to June to plant. Live and learn.

that's it for now--I am going to attempt two months of bank recs.

Here's hoping things balance out.

Sunday school

2005-04-27T22:22:00.000-04:00

A Sunday school teacher, I don't know his name, was a wonderful person who never found fame; Yet he shaped my whole life far more than he knew, for his loving example has helped me be true. (anon)

I have had many Sunday school teachers over the years and each one had contributed in a special way to my walk with the Lord. For all you Sunday school teachers out there--thank you for your time and dedication. I am a life who was changed ( to quote a song)

To love to teach is one thing, to love those you teach is quite another.

Renew in me a clean heart

2005-04-19T23:23:00.000-04:00

People are dying and I need to focus on God. Lord help me to be an instrument of mercy. Remove all the garbage from within me and fill me with your Holy Spirit. Let your sweet spirit flow from me to others. let rue healing come so that I may be used for your glory. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

what a day

2005-04-19T22:06:00.000-04:00

I just need to vent

I realize that compared to other issues in people's lives I have much to be grateful about. My body is telling me that I need to release the negative emotions that have been gathering for awhile simply because I don't take the time to let them physically go. And then I wind up sick.

I am getting over the flu or something like it so my physical strength is lower than normal. Since I am obsessive/compulsive about many things and constantly have to work on keeping this until control, which takes a lot of energy, my mind is almost always going. It is on to the next project before the current one is done. I don't mean real projects I mean everyday tasks that need to be done. The end result is I wind up feeling like I never get done. There is always something else to do and when I am stressed it kicks in over time so every little thing suddenly needs to be done. I see every spec of dust etc and can't sit until I do something about it. When I am like this I need to stop and allow myself to sit but it seems that as soon as I do someone or something turns up with another problem and wonders why I am so short when all I was doing was sitting there resting. They have no idea what it took for me to get to that rest and what compulsiveness I just went through and finally I thought I could catch a break and walla-they appear. I know I am rambling but this is good--I need to get it out.

My day today started ok--there was tons of work to do and I thought I had a plan to try and tackle it. It is important for me to start and finish something for me to get this feeling of being okay. Sort of in control--not in chaos. Well it wasn't to be at work, there was just too many things popping up that kept preventing me from starting my planned work. On top of this I have this wonderful co worker who was put in my life to torment me. As if I don't have anything to do-she casually mentions that when I have time which I told her I didn't have any of--she would like the file room straightened because it looked like shit. It does but that is way down on list of things that need to be done. My boss had told me not to do filing because someone is coming in in May to take care of that--but he apparently didn't tell her this. So she nicely comments that forget it--she will take care of it. I wanted to say --good take care of it if you have so much time on your hands but that wouldn't be polite. What I was feeling was inadequate because I couldn't get it all done. If I could break myself in 100 pieces and get everything perfect that way I like it I would feel in control and safe. But it's not gonna happen and I know I need to let it go and I try but somehow it is building up inside.

Today the copier repair man was in for our printer problem and I asked my boss if I could have him look at the fax machine which is new but has streaks going through it and it makes it hard to read the info. I had tried to clean the lens but no improvement. He said check with Lucy as she handles that and I did. She said have the guy look at it. He nicely looked and showed me where the toner had gathered and how to clean it--gave me a free cloth to do it with next time and didn't charge us. My friendly co worker later finds a piece of paper by the fax and questions me about it. I tell her the man helped fix the problem --she tells me they dont't service the fax machine (which is not true) and they charge a fortune and not to ask him for assistance--I replied that he corrected the problem and didn't charge me and I didn't do this on my own authorization I had asked Mike. This is such petty stuff and it is causing so much resentment in me so not only do I have the resentment but also guilt for even feeling this way. This is stuff that two year olds do. What happens to me is that I want her approval which I will never get and I keep trying harder and harder to do more and more and all I am doing is raising my blood pressure. Here is where my mind really does me in-- I know all the stuff about past issues, codependency, addiction, letting go, prayer, Christian response etc etc so there is no let up. I am driving myself insane so that is why I am bloggin out all this garbage so that it is out there in cyberspace and not inside me causing me to get sick.
Well the day progresses--I was to fax somthing to my insurance company re the new car and I forgot the paper with the fax number. Made a trip home at lunch to get it. Continued with my work--at 4:30 My friend gives me something that she says has to be delivered today--which meant scanning it first and then delivering it. We leave at 5 and I had an appointment at 5:30. The bottom line was that the other office was not going to stay late to work on this document and delivering it in the am would be fine--which is what is being done because my boss said that would be fine but only after I stopped what I was doing, scanned the info and got ready to deliver it. Mind you the coworker has a clock in her office that is 15 minutes fast and everyday she is out the door at 4:45. (she is a hard worker just has a clock that is wrong). I normally stay later just to catch up after everyone is gone because then I don't feel pressured and the phone is not ringing but I had an appointment. My boss picks today to discuss future plans for when Lucy goes on maternity leave and I still needed to send my fax for the car. So I am rushing to get to my appt and am stressed when I get there. After the appt I leave and go to pizza hut to get dinner. I decide to eat there and bring food home for John. I order. I check my pocketbook and no wallet. I had left it in my delivery bag. So I ask do you take charge cards--yes- ok. Check my pocket book. No cards--they are all in wallet. I usually have one in a separate area but no- So I have no money and have already ordered. I call John and tel lhim I need him to bring me money. He comes. I see him in parking lot as if he is waiting for me to come and get money. Think he doesn't realize I ordered in and have a table so I go to door to tell him he needs to come in--I left my keys and pocketbook at table--he proceeds to say wait a fucking minute--I am waiting for a parking space. I hate that language and I felt even more embarassed knowing that he was talking to me. I feel --I am not going to let anyone speak that way to me--tell him that and he doesn't even know what he said--he is just as tired as I am and on this wild goose chase because I forgot my wallet. So now I am sitting in pizza hut with money but trying not to cry. It is not working. I feel like a spectacle but I can't leave I don't have my food yet. And I really just needed to have a good cry and release all this poison inside and then I would feel better. But I have to hold it in--I am in public. get through dinner--pay -- and leave to go to Christmas Tree shops to browse hoping that will calm my mind. Want to use the bathroom--of course they are cleaning it-- decide to head home. Was asked to print out an application and instructions for John's friend from the motor vehicle web site--guess what--it is 95 pages. I start to print and of course the paper runs out. I get more and hit resume or so I thought-- I really hit the off button so the printing job was lost. Had to start over again. And that is my sad story for the night. I wish I could say it made me feel better to get it out but it only made me feel like this is all such trivial crap that doesn't mean diddily squat and I pray that God will help me release this and to dwell on whatsoever things are perfect, whatsoever things are good... tomorrow is my 30th wedding anniversary--does it sound like I am having fun?

Happy happy joy joy

that's it for now folks.

2005-04-16T22:10:00.000-04:00

Picked up the new car Thursday evening but got sick during the night and I am still not back to normal so I really haven't driven it much. The new car smell was making feel worse.

Found out my mom has the flu. She started coming down with it on tuesday and went to the doctor on Friday. She had a flu shot so her case is not as bad as it could have been but she is still pretty much under the weather.

Going to bed--hope when I wake up I am feeling better.

New Car

2005-04-03T20:51:00.000-04:00

I bought a car--I didn't set out to buy a car today I was just looking to get ideas. It was raining and I really wasn't expecting to actually buy a car. As a matter of fact this is a difficult week to make time to go and pick up a car lots going on this week. Tomorrow night I am meeting with someone form the Vineyard sort of a spiritual adviser. this is a rescheduled meeting the first I had to cancel-that was about 6 weeks ago. Tuesday I have a dentist appointment, Wednesday is the Alpha class & chiro, thursday I have a hair appointment so far that leaves Friday. Saturday I am going down to Middletown to visit with family. The following weekend is the Alpha retreat weekend. All of the above is God willing of course. He can change any plan at any time but that is the anticipated schedule. Kind of nice to be busy.

John put in my new kitchen sink today. It turned out to be a two day project and we still have a leak which will require a new part which will be picked up tomorrow. It is really nice. So shiny and White and clean. the other was very stained.

That's it for now.

2005-03-24T20:38:00.000-05:00

Have been having an awesome time with God. Alpha course meetings are very much looked forward to and I am seeking more of the Spirit on the retreat weekend. I feel that I am open for whatever God wishes to supply in that area.

Hubby is sick but has finally gone to the doctor and gotten some medicine. tomorrow is Good Friday and I hope to attend a service downtown on my lunch break and then my church is having a service at 5:30. Then it is the weekend already

Work is good--they are interviewing to fill the void that will be created when Lucy goes on maternity leave. No definites as to if she is coming back--this is her third and daycare is quuite expensive so I am not sure what her plans are.

Saw Ladder 49 and the Terminal theother night. Rented both from Wegman's. Ladder 49 was not really that good compared to other movies I have seen regarding a firefighter's life--it did portray the drinking that goes on and is considered normal. On the other hand The Terminal was pretty good. Been reading the Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel.

Snowed last night but most of it melted today. Lots of mud.

Hey Jen last time this year Youth Convention was in full swing. Are you missing it???

I am sooooooo blest?blessed?!

2005-03-16T22:01:00.000-05:00

Rough day today. Physically I was not at my best--can't quite put my finger on what is wrong but something was. Thought wise--I was having a difficult day. Negative thoughts about my co worker were going full force. Not that there aren't reasons for them but I really was feeling closed in by them today. I did remember to talk to God through out the day asking him to help me get through and not say anything that would shed a bad light on Him. Thanking God that He heard and helped. I got though the day and ended up the day at the Alpha class at church. We ended the night by going around the room and praying--short prayers--but it was good. A quieting restful spirit to drive home with.

picked up my new glasses the other day at Walmart. These were to be my computer/reading glasses. My regular glasses are progressive lenses so that they cover three different levels, close far and in between. But to see properly with them you have to look directly at an object--not to the side so it can be frustrating at times so I have gotten used to wearing my other glasses when i work on the computer. Thought this new pair would be an extra pair so I didn't have to carry them back and forth. The prescription is different though--I can read well with them but the computer is a bit blurry and forget looking at a distance. Trying to get used to them. As i am just rambling right now I think I will close and get ready for bed.

2005-03-08T20:22:00.000-05:00

I have been spending a lot of my free time watching past episodes of the show "24". I believe I have 2 seasons to catch up on and I must admit that I have become sort of compulsive about watching--there are four episodes to a DVD for a total of about three hours of viewing time. I rented another one for tonight . It is sort of like reading a book for me. I get lost in the book or show--it is a way of relaxing.

Tomorrow my husband leaves for Las Vegas. It is very exciting to me and for him that he has this opportunity to go and see the Nascar races. He hasn't really had a vacation for a long time. (unless we count the times in rehab--but that was not really vacation--it is a lot of mental work--but I was referring to time off from your place of employment.) I remember that I resented the fact that he got to go away and I had to stay in real life and continue with finding ways to get the bills paid and take care of the house and kids. I thought there was something wrong withthis picture--thought I could use the time away and he should have to stay home and face reality--without alcohol to help ease the way. Sorry just some of my resentment coming out--it really is much better than it was years ago. Today I can look at how I have changed and how I react differently to many situations. I used to have a bumper sticker that said "I am a miracle" and that is really true. God changed me a little bit at a time and He is not finished with me yet. Someday I will start to put it down how he took my broken life and made something special out of it.

Well I've got to get started on "24" ..... till next time

Review

2005-03-01T21:29:00.000-05:00

When I stop and think back over all that has happened in the last 15 years it seems unreal. Things were so difficult at times and yet we made it through. God has been very faithful in getting me through each situation that comes up. And just like the Israelites -after being rescued from Egypt--I often forget just what the Lord has done for me. I was a stay at home mom of two who was suddenly faced with supporting herself and her children without many marketable job skills. Iwas faced with applying for government assistance finding work and trying to keep my mental and emotional sanity. God provided friends through a 12 step program to help me get by. They walked with me through each obstacle as it came up. I was not alone even though at times I felt like I was. Sometimes I just didn't recognize the help that God was sending me. You see, God knew from day one what was going to be needed to develop and nurture His child. He saw me when I was born, he saw the situation I was born into, He was with me as I grew up and He knew there was a lot of work that needed to be done to get me to where He wanted me. Wow--He is awesome. Thank you God for helping me to see things through the right lens. I have a choice--He gives me that--every day I have a choice to make and thank God that He doesn't give up on me. I know I must try His patience many times, I must hurt Him with my lack of trust and respect for who He is.

Lord, help me each day to become more and more of who you want me to be.
Thank you for opening my eyes to who you are.

saturday

2005-02-26T22:22:00.000-05:00

Saturday night and for the most part caught up with things. Still have painting to do but ..maybe tomorrow.

My focus has been entirely to much on myself--need to reach out to others and help to meet their needs.

So much cancer--all around. Need to make appointment to get my annual checkup and I believe I am due for a colonoscopy.

Snowing outside.

The Alpha class has been interesting--mainly because of the new people I have met. the lessons themselves so far are nothing new. Others have commented on this too. My group is made up of all women; they all have made a committment to Jesus so althoug we are all in different areas of our walk with God we all agree that there is a God.

Right now my dog is guarding my ironing board..she is a very strange dog. If I try to put it away she will attack it. Have to wait till she is outside before I move it.

I rented the next group of "24" or so I thought. When I went to watch it I had already seen these episodes. Also Rented Open Water. Not a very easy going movie--kept waiting for them to get rescued and then it just ends. Wouldn't recommend it.

Relatives

2005-02-21T22:09:00.000-05:00

Just got back from a weekend of visiting relatives

Had a wedding to go to Sunday and found out Saturday that my uncle had passed away so we went to a wake Sunday also. Both were down on Long Island. My mom's brother Frank who was suffering from advanced alzheimer's disease died and was being waked in New Hyde Park. I got to see some of my cousins that I hadn't seen in a very long time. They were the ones that we used to get together with once a year at Christmas time. It was good to catch up with them.

My nephew Michael was married Sunday evening. He is two years younger than my son which makes him 23. It was a beautiful wedding, everything was done to the letter--really nice place. fancy food-the whole nine yards. Also got to see people that I hadn't seen in at least 20-25 years. It was a good time. The only negative and this is becoming a very big negative for me--was the cigarette smoke. I hate it. Can't stand being around it and at the wedding most of the people I knew smoked. This includes my sister-in-law and her husband who graciously let us stay at their house. But I can't take the smoke. Will not do that again. I am going to really start petitioning God to help John quit. It is a big dividing point between us. He has been smoking more since we got the house and I am liking it less and less. Don't want to be around him cause I can't take the smell. In the past I've asked to be able accept the smoke but I don't want to do that anymore.

On another front John is going to Las Vegas on March 9 to the 14th. He has a friend who has a room and tickets to the Nascar races and I am glad that he has the opportunity to do something special. I booked the flights tonight on line.

Saw my mom today on our way back home from Long Island. Went to lunch together. She took another fall today. this seems to be happening more often. she cut her hand and arm .

Am trying to get our taxes done and Jen's too. Hopefully this weekend I can get them completed and mailed out. Jen should also be getting the car registered in her name and her license in Ohio. Things are moving forward.

Don't know if I mentioned that my son came in last weekend. It was a good visit. He even took my Christmas (yes Christmas) tree down. Living room looks much better now.

Time for bed (in my own comfortable bed).

Night

Another card

2005-02-13T23:23:00.000-05:00

Another special card I need to share:

Thank you, Lord, for my beautiful mother--for the love she always gives me and her friendship that is never-failing, for her kind eyes that see the best in me and her gentle wisdom that carries me through, for her prayers that lift me up and the dreams she holds in her heart for me, for the happy memories we've made together and all the hugs and smiles we've yet to share--I am forever grateful.

I also look forward to the hugs and fulfillment of dreams that are to come.

God Bless

card

2005-02-13T23:15:00.000-05:00

wanted to share card I received form my husband:

"...This is my beloved, and this is my friend... Song of Solomon 5:16

When I tell you "I love you" it means so much more than three little words. It means that your happiness is so important to me... that I desire many blessings in life for you.

When I tell you "I love you" it means that I always want to be there for you...that no matter what happens in our lives, we will come through it together.

When I tell you "I love you" it means that I would rather be with you than anyone else in the world. It means that you're not only my partner in life, but also my very best friend.

Happy Birthday

Over the years as I have gone through different trials God has used the words in different cards I have received to lift me up and help me to focus on His plan for my life even when circumstances looked far different than what the words were saying. faith--the belief in something that can not be proven. Trust in what you believe that God has for you.

Thank you Father for loving me and watching over me

birthday

2005-02-13T23:07:00.000-05:00

Had a great birthday--actually an extended weekend birthday. My dishwasher and counter top were installed on Friday by my very talented husband. My son came up to visit Friday night. we went to the movies Saturday to see MillionDollar baby. I don't recommend it unless you like boxing (which I don't) and you are in a downer frame of mind. it does not have an uplifting ending. Although I like Clint Eastwood I find his movies to be very slow going.

went to church Sunday am and it was a good time of worship for me. After service came home and we all went to the casino where I proceeded to lose my money on the nickel slot machine. Good thing I don't do this very often--once every five or six years. Maybe less now as I found this casino to be filled with smoke and I really don't like smoke. Put my clothes in the wash when I got home to get rid of the smell.

after the casino we went out to eat at Fresno's. Picked thisplace because I realy wanted chicken soup and potato skins. guess what?? No chicken soup and they don't serve potato skins any more. oh well dessert was delicious.

Came home to watch Shall We Dance (the gift my son gave me). Enjoyed it very much. Would like to learn how to dance. A new goal.

Time for bed

Oz says

2005-02-10T19:54:00.000-05:00

Spiritual lust makes me demand an answer from God, instead of seeking God who gives the answer...Whenever the insistence is on the point that God answers prayer, we are off the track. The meaning of prayer is that we get hold of God, not of the answer.

Interesting

Ask God to see his face. Ask to feel his loving arms around you. Stop shaking your fist and demanding answers. The answers will come when you stand in his presence, not when you demand his attention.

cars & taxes

2005-02-08T22:33:00.000-05:00

I will be glad when our taxes are done and we have completed the registration transfer on the Nissan. Too confusing for me. checking back and forth between the requirments for both states. At least I have ordered the new title. I hope Jen realizes that she has to take a written driving test for Ohio to be sure she knows their rules and regulations.

I am glad that Dan is coming to visit this weekend. Wish the house renovations were further along but nothing I can do at this point in time.

Going to get to bed earlier tonight. Went bowling with small group --on a work night--not something I usually do but it was fun.

Till next time

Pushing Forward

2005-02-04T22:16:00.000-05:00

Was feeling pretty lousy most of the day. About 3pm whatever I have seemed to break a bit. I still have congestion and aches & pains but the post nasal drip has let up.

Went to worship night at church for a bit but left early as I was not feeling up to it. Came home and proceeded to do my federal return on line--what a pain--but it is done. Just have to do state.

Was supposed to met with a "mentor" from church tomorrow for brunch but I cancelled as I don't feel up to it. Maybe I am avoiding the meeting--guess I kinda am but I really didn't want to meet tomorrow. the last three weekends have been spent either picking up or bringing back my mom with the one in between not a normal weekend as my mom was here and we had a snowstorm. Am looking forward to a weekend off--want to do some painting and maybe go bowling or to a movie.

Thought for the day: when a man is at his wits' end it is not a cowardly thing to pray, it is the only way he can get in touch with Reality. (O. Chambers)

Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear unto my cry. Psalm 39:12

Lemons or lemonade?

2005-02-03T20:46:00.000-05:00

I have a miserable cold--my nose keeps running and I keep coughing. I look forward to tomorrow when I will hopefully be to the next stage of this cold and on my way to getting better. Friday evening my church is having a praise time. Next Tuesday evening my small group is going bowling together and Wednesday night which is our normal night to meet there is going to be an Ash Wednesday service at church

Like art, like music, like so many other disciplines, prayer can only be appreciated when you actually spend time in it. Spending time with the Master will elevate your thinking. The more you pray, the more will be revealed. You will appreciate not only the greatness of prayer, but the greatness of God. (Joni Eareckson Tada)

trust

2005-02-02T06:56:00.000-05:00

We can learn to trust God. When we do, we discover that God can be trusted. It all begins with surrender. --HVL

Trust Him when dark doubts assail you,
Trust Him when your strength is small;
Trust Him when to simply trust Him
Seems the hardest thing of all. --Bennett
Belief in God's Word plus surrender to god's will equals trust in God's goodness. Easy to say--often hard to do. But I again come back to the choice we all have--we decide what to focus on--what to read--what to watch.

Whenever we touch His almighty arm, some of his omnipotence streams in upon us, into our souls and into our bodies. And not only that, but, through us, it streams out to others. (O. Hallesby)

May all who read this be blessed today. Amen

Prayer

2005-02-01T21:37:00.000-05:00

Praying unlocks the doors of heaven and releases the power of God, God's answers are always right and good and best. Whether prayer changes our situation or not, one thing is certain: Prayer will change us! (Billy Graham)

Determining to pray on a regular basis. Not only prayer that is asking God for things but prayer that is talking with God--getting intimate with Him--resting in His presence.

Our minds are powerful--we choose what we will think about--sometimes with more difficulty than others but ultimately the choice is ours. I choose to nourish my mind with an overflowing of God's word .

Blessings to all